Batman and Robin

Realistically Speaking . . .
Would You Trust These Two Men?

A to the . . .

Ak-Man’s Top 5 Reasons To Get A Job

Who wants some free money?

OK, it’s not totally free, you have to ‘work’ for it . . . well actually, if your fortunate enough, you just have to turn up to work. You don’t even have to arrive there on time.

“Of course profits drive most companies to get the most activity out its employees for the least amount of payment that they can get away with. So it would serve an employee well to get the most amount of payment for the least amount of work. A balance must be struck between employer and employee.”

– Eugene D. Gibson (An Islander’s Outlook Of The World)

If you already have a job, GREAT, you’re halfway there . . . just try not to leave your monitor exposed while you read this. Most of us are being overworked and underpaid, so I’m about to reveal my Top 5 Reasons To Get A Job.

5. LUNCH TIME

Some employees are fortunate enough to get paid for their lunch breaks . . . how great is that? You could almost call it a free lunch . . . almost. Others are not so fortunate but it’s okay. If they give you an hour’s lunch, leave 10mins earlier and come back 10mins later. That’s 20mins of free money. Now sit at your desk and settle down for another 10mins . . . that’s 30mins worth of cash you didn’t ‘work’ for . . . welcome to my world.

4. HOME TIME

Simply the best part of the working day. You’ve been looking forward to this since your alarm went off in the morning. Unless you work in a small office environment, or have to clock in and out like Fred Flintstone, you really have no excuse for not slipping out 15 – 30mins early. You aren’t chicken are you? I thought you wanted some of that free money. Get up and stroll out as if you are supposed to be leaving that early.

Always have someone else to blame (who isn’t around) if you get caught by a superior.

3. SICK PAY

There are several reasons to take ‘sick days’ . . . try not to waste them when you are actually sick. Ever notice how so people turn up to work feeling like crap? Coughing all over the place with red eyes and running noses? It’s because they don’t want to waste their sick days in bed with no one to look after them. Take sick days when you’re feeling well, that way you’ll get paid to recover from a hangover, watch TV and play computer games . . . or even go to an interview for a job that pays more and requires you to work less.

2. HOLIDAY PAY

Quite similar to sick pay, but offers less spontaneity. I have a higher regard for holiday pay because if you’re fortunate enough, you may actually be going on a holiday. Somewhere nice where the inhabitants don’t understand what you’re saying, and you’re never sure if you received the correct change from the shops. Your employer can’t phone you with annoying questions or ask you to come in for a half day. You’ll return to money in your bank, that’s money you earned by enjoying yourself in another country and not thinking or work at all.

1. Turn Up And Do Nothing

As ‘they’ say, it’s the small things in life. The Number One reason to get a job is that you can get paid a days work and do nothing but . . .

Take A Power Naps – Lean back on your chair, close your eyes and catch up on some of the sleep you lost the night before. Alternatively, fold your arms on top of your desk and use it as a rest for your head.

Make Personal Calls – Not only are you costing the company money by not doing your job, you’re also running up their phone bill.

Have A Snack Break – Isn’t it funny how no one will question you if you’re sitting at your desk eating a choc bar. Only a fool would ask you what you’re up to. Totally acceptable in the workplace.

Check Your Emails – If you don’t know how to do this, you really shouldn’t be working in an office environment . . . get yourself a McDonalds application form and learn the value of an hour.

Chat To Your Friends via Instant Messenger – Compare who’s wasted more of the day; make social arrangements; discuss prior arrangements; moan about having a job; send each other cool web links to check out.

Check Out Cool Web Links – http://islanderoutlook.blogspot.com/

I’m sure you can think of several other ways to escape working while at work (pretend to go to the toilet), there are loads. If you’re really bored, try and calculate how much of your working day you actually spend working. You might be surprised by how much free money you’re stacking up.

“So it would serve an employee well to get the most amount of payment for the least amount of work.”

- Eugene D. Gibson (An Islander’s Outlook Of The World)

A to the . . .

Rush Hour(s)

Just when you thought that no one else could possible fit in the train, ten more people push and squeeze in.

When the train pulls into another station (one stop closer to work) you see a crowd of people, and you’ll question how many of them will get onto the train . . . then answer is ALL OF THEM. Apart from the ‘particulars’ everyone has places go . . . or places they should already be.

The bright side is knowing that eventually your stop will come. If you’re quick and strong enough, you’ll be able to get off the train before the doors close and move on.

Is it really that bad?

. . . Most days, yes.

Does it bother me?

. . . Most days, no.

A to the . . .

‘F’ Is For eFFort

"Once you have opened this e-mail, there's no turning back. Below are true
descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an
astrologist predictions. Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac
sign and label on the subject line.

This is real deal, try ignoring it, and the first thing you'll notice is
having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from
there."

- Some Chain Mail 'Author'

Shaking in my boots . . . my day’s been good so far, got free cake . . . IN YOUR FACE!

Do people forward these emails because they are scared, or do they find this sort of thing interesting? Maybe they feel that since they had to receive this trash, then so do you.

Fortunately for myself this chain mail just signs my praises with a highly accurate cold reading:

LEO - The Lion Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable.
Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long
relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

All is forgiven.

They blabbed on about some other star signs, but I’m a Leo so why would I care?

As for the 7 years of bad luck . . . pfft.

A to the . . .

Jump On It

Is it ever really too late to jump onto a fad?

Of course it is! You don’t want to be that weirdo on the bus wearing a bandana and playing with a Tamogotchi. Timing is of course the biggest factor as most of these trends are either seasonal or simply the flavour of the month. Catch on too late and you would have missed ‘the movement’.

Many come and go; they’re typically started by trendsetters like me, or resourceful folks like me. Not one to blow my own trumpet (all the time), but I did introduce you all to the T-Shirt and Jeans combo . . . and that’s still running strong till this day.

I don’t want any of you to look back and think ‘where was I when that took off?’ It doesn’t have to be that way. Here are some bandwagons that are moving along nicely . . . feel free to jump on.

Facebook

I’m an active member of this online community. This is because unlike most of the others out there which are used (and let’s be realistic) by lonely people who want to get laid or have no real friends, Facebook is designed to bring you closer to the people you already know. This is what makes Facebook unique . . . and a reason why a lot of employees are on their final warning.

With Facebook you can’t simple search people and have a good rummage through their profile and pictures. You can only do this if you are added to the individuals ‘friends’ list.

You may also find Facebook useful for finding old friends. The privacy settings on Facebook means that the majority of those singed use their real name and not an online alias such as ‘SEXY_BABE_69’ or ‘WELL_HUNG’.

I’ve found long and short lost classmates and former work colleagues. It’s a worthy bandwagon to jump on . . . and its recent news coverage adds too its prestige.

Heroes

Television, as we all should know is getting worse by the day. Fortunately there are a few gems out there worthy of attention. The latest one to grab me is Heroes. I’m pretty late in getting involved in this, but I’m glad I have. What a great show so far. I’ve watched the first five episodes of Season One and I’m pretty much hooked. I’m in catch up mode however as they are already onto Season Two.

Heroes has a lot to offer, I can see it running for quite sometime. In a few more years it’ll be one of those shows that used to be great until they ran out of ideas but kept making more episodes. At present it’s an exciting show which meets its potential and raises many questions you’ll want answered.

You can catch up on the fun here:

http://www.cucirca.com/2007/05/27/watch-heroes-online/

Expect exciting cliff-hangers, attractive females (well only two so far) and a storyline that’ll keep you up all night . . . ‘just one more episode.’

8 Min Abs

Since the ‘gym’ movement is still in affect, here’s a product I won’t stop raving on about.

OK, I’ve never actually been overweight. But as a man of vanity I must recommend this DVD to one and all who like to stare at themselves in the mirror with a self satisfied grin.

This is pretty much the ULTIMATE abdominal workout. I jumped on this movement sometime last year and saw great results in a month. Three mornings a week I’d wake up extra early pop in the DVD and crunch like never before. At first I struggled (as you do when working new muscles) then eventually it became a satisfying routine.

I haven’t done 8 Min Abs for about five months now, and no word of a lie, my stomach is still toned from way back when. The chocolate and ice cream is doing me no favours . . . but I’m a man so I don’t care. I’ll only wash it down with a pint anyway.

If I wasn’t so lazy and probably look for the DVD.

Corinne Bailey Rae

“And I wonder why it is, I don’t argue like this, with anyone but you

I wonder why it is, I won’t let my guard down, for anyone but you”

– Just Like A Star

Of course the lyrics sound better with her singing . . . that’s why I haven’t copied the whole song. Trust me on this one . . . its money well spent. Or time well spent if like me you’re only a few clicks away . . . I shall say no more on that matter.

Get your swerve on people . . . does ANYONE say that still?

It’s not an order for you all to go out and be shepherded by frowsy pop culture . . . Lord knows I like to be an outcast and make a nuisance of myself also. These are just a few pastimes that’ll help you keep one foot in the bandwagon.

A to the . . .

Incompatible

She told me she loves flowers, how sweet.

I bought her chocolates just so I could have some.

So selfish I know, but who eats flowers?

Continuously hinting about the new Italian restaurant,

I told her to wave as we passed by.

Chinese it is again,

Who can say no to a buffet?

Apparently pink would look ‘delicious’ on me.

I don’t want to look delicious.

She looks delicious,

And that’s about the only thing she does well.

She’s late for everything! ARGH!!!

I wanted to see the beginning of the movie,

Now the rest won’t make sense.

And why does she get to hold the popcorn I paid for?

Can we at least go back to your place?

My house is always packed.

Cool…

But she can’t cook.

Chinese it is again?

Even I can get sick of that.

I’ll take her to that nice Italian restaurant,

Sweeten her up with flowers.

I’ll even wear the pink shirt she bought me.

Another glass for the lady.

You always get your way.

I think we should just be friends.

A to the . . .

10,000

Cheers!

10,000 page hits . . . quite the mile stone eh? Did this in about 10months, that’s a lot of blogging.

That’s like 1,000 hits a months, and the end of our maths lesson.

Hope you folks have been enjoying my randomness, creative burst, religious and political views. Along with my demented dating tips and techniques, little life stories and the occasional works or art. Jeez, what a treasure I am ey?

Okay . . . It’s not quite 10,000 yet, the exact number as I type is . . . 9,984. I’m sure I’ll pop the cork this weekend. *Cheesy Grin*

Here are my favourite posts from each month of blogging. Feel free to check them out . . . you can even check out my archive and nominate an alternative for post of the month. You might stumble across a little treasure that shouldn’t be buried just because its month has passed.

January: The Fountain

February: 10 Useful/Useless Things I’d Like To Ask God When I Get To Heaven

March: The Race To End The World . . . who will win?

April: ‘Like Father Like Son’ or ‘Mamma’s Boy’

May: The Autobiography Of A Non-Smoker Who Kind Of Smoked

June: Ask A Former McDonald’s Employee

July: Yeah I’m Gonna Beat My Kids

August: More Than Just A Game

Sept: Ex

It’s been fun . . . let’s see how ’07 rounds off.

A to the . . .