Monday, 19 February 2007

10 Useful/Useless Things I’d Like To Ask God When I Get To Heaven


1) How did I end up here and not downstairs? (Any selfless acts? Maybe I’ll save a life or soul before my innings are over?)

2) What did I do in my lifetime on earth that least impressed you? (The sins. I hope I don’t do any worse that what I’ve done before, I’ve been trying lately; well kinda)

3) How much chicken did I eat? I didn’t like chicken like most people; I was in polygamous relationship with it. I need stats. (Weight and cost; averages/percentages per week)

4) If there was a ranking system developed for the world’s best looking man, where would I rank? (Very curios; considering the current population and people who have lived and died I figure that even being ranked like 1 billion would be a compliment…it doesn’t REALLY matter but I’d like to know)

5) There have most probably been areas of my life where I was spared from doing something very wrong, stupid or harmful to myself and others…which are the main areas where you divinely intervened? (I’ve had knives and guns pulled out on me; but not a scratch. I’ve also almost drowned on several occasions; I can only swim 14 meters . . . oh and when I drive I’m usually thinking of everything else but the road)

6) I’m grateful for being created as a black man; but do we (black people) receive additional grace and mercy for having to endure unprovoked experiences of discrimination and racism? It’s not something we can control; it’s just something we deal with in different ways right? Some get great jobs, some sell drugs and others turn to a life of Christ (some do all three).

7) Another “vain” question (depending on who’s reading), but how many girls at some point in their lives fancied me? I knew bout a few of them, but I’m kind of hoping there is a whole bunch of others I never knew about. (It’ll give me a little buzz, ya dig? . . . "Oh really, her too? Never would have guessed.")

8) What’s up with all this talk of aliens, ghost and things of that nature? All these weirdo’s kept making documentaries and stuff? A few people told me their personal stories and I just thought they were talking nonsense, like “Yeah, there was a ghost in my school” … oh please, we all had 'ghosts' in our schools! Why do you think kids never wanted to go? Some clarity please.

9) Females…? They were a conspiracy right? Be real with me … they were like dinosaur bones, put there to test out faith right? You wanted to test our tolerance, restraint and obedience … I get it now … you filled the world with gorgeous ladies of different types so no guy could avoid the test! That’s why they out number us and that’s why you dislike homosexual’s right? … right…?

10) I was wrong about question nine … then where’s all the girls? (. . .)

It would be cool to have a book of stats based on my life; kind of like the Guinness book of records, but just for me. When I’m done reading mine, you wanna swap?

A to the . . .


Lady_T said...

Haha! 'How much chicken did I eat?' One of the most fundamental question of all time I bet, you sure you wanna know the answer?

Wouldn't it be great if we had the answers to all our questions?...nah..

Great picture of the man walking up into the sky by the way.


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Sebastien said...

Number 7, that's a good one, it's vain like you say, but come on, that would be so great to know. If I get to heaven I will be asking that question.

Anyways, another great post.