Sunday, 30 September 2007

Don’t Make Them Like They Used To

How’d my new PC break after less than a week? Wouldn’t have been too surprised if I’d had the thing for a year or two . . . but less than a week and it died? R.I.P.

I strolled into PC World with a no nonsense mentality.

Store Assistant: "Can I help you?"

Ak-Man: "Yeah, my PC won’t switch on, I want to exchange it or get a refund."

You have to give them the options or they’ll take you for a ride and feed you some crap about getting it sent to the manufacturers for repairs.

What’s more annoying is that I had brought the PC to the store a couple of days prior for the same reason. But the PC worked in the store, making me look a little foolish. And it worked when I got home so I was cool. I’d wasted a bit of time, but my PC worked so it was all good.

Even though the PC was faulty and I didn’t do anything to damage it I still had one or two lies under my sleeve. Just in case they wanted to play hardball. Anyone else think up excuses when they return things? You know, just in case . . .

I was ready to play the student role. If things got messy I’d tell them that I’m a student and I have lots of work that needs to be done. I can’t afford to lose my PC for weeks, not even a day; I’ve got essays to write.

I had figured that this was flawless . . . it’s a lie but believable; who’d question it? Fortunately I didn’t have to reduce myself to that.

They actually gave me an upgraded model at no extra cost because the one they sold me was no longer in stock. So now I have an even better PC . . . it switches on, and other fancy stuff like that.

A repair man is coming to my house on Tuesday to fix a computer I no longer have. I really must remember to call them up to cancel that . . . maybe I’ll do that tomorrow . . . maybe.

A to the . . .

Friday, 21 September 2007


It’s been a not so silent war between us for a while now. I guess everyone knew it was coming to an end. Break-ups are always easier when you see them coming. And if you’re like me then it’s likely that you’ll have something lined up before you split. I made no secret of that, everyone knew I had your replacement lined up, I’d pretty much moved on already . . . I was at least planning to. You can act ignorant if you want, but I wasn’t going to let you treat me like that and keep you around.

What was it in particular? There was so much to it, I hate the fact that I chose this, out of all the options I had, look at what I chose. But you were easy, that swayed my decision. Can’t lie, you looked great at first . . . but beauty is only skin deep . . . what would you know about that though?

You went from easy to difficult, difficult to intolerable. I had invested so much in you, so I felt like I had to keep at it, things might change . . . Who was I kidding?

Damn, you’re unreliable, you do as you please and you’re so damned inconsiderate. I have to do everything myself. I showed so much patience with you, you had to notice that, don’t tell me you didn’t at least notice that. I lost so much of my life just waiting for you . . . why does everything take you so long?

My friends and family laughed at me because of you. I never told you that did I? It’s funny that I tried to spare YOUR feelings LOL . . . as if you have any. You’re a cold piece of work do you know that?

I hope they find you hanging out of a skip somewhere, all smashed up. You know I could make that happen right? Not many people have seen my dark side; you’re one of a few. You must have been quite scared a few time times, when I ruffed you up, smacked you around . . . the screaming, the threats. Couldn’t complain if you wanted to . . . LOL . . . who would you tell? Can’t do anything without me. Are you even aware of how much of a burden you were all these years? Didn’t think so.

A lot of people were surprised when I replaced you . . . you weren’t. Didn’t even react when I unplugged you. Heartless till the end.

I don’t mind you staying in my room for now; you can watch us together from that cold shelf.

You’ve been replaced, farewell you dusty old machine.

You want to know about your replacement? . . . I’ll tell you anyway.

Intel Core 2 Duo Processor
Windows Vista Home Premium
1 GB of RAM
320 GB Hard Disk Drive
15 in 1 Memory Card Reader
19inch Hard Glass Technology; Flat/Widescreen Monitor


A to the . . .

Tuesday, 18 September 2007

The Conclusion

“Where’s all the updates you lazy SOB?” – No one actually said this.

Somewhere along the line I’ve lost the ability to wrap up and conclude on my thought processes. This makes it quite hard to finish anything I start on. And I’ve been working on quite a lot as you’ll see.

Despite not having as much spare time as I’m used to, I’m still scribbling on scrap paper, typing out findings, theories and reviews. But I get so far and then struggle to wrap it up. It’s kind of like writers block, but with a delayed affect.

Regardless, there’s still a lot to expect from A Darker Shade Of Black

Well I’ve got a bit more free time coming up so I plan to get this blog back on track. As my frequent readers are already aware, I have loads of opinions. I try to take on issues from alternative view points to provide something that’s hopefully refreshing and humorous.

I guess I feel the obligated to display some evidence of my productivity. Here are some titles you can expect to see on here once I remember how to formulate a conclusion.

‘It Must Suck Being Ugly’ – An exploration into pop culture’s obsession with appearances and it’s affects on ‘real’ life.

‘Get Your ‘Jungle Fever’ Vaccination’ – Black men and white women; it’s a timeless debate, but one that’s rarely battled on even ground. I stick my big nose into the issue whilst stepping on everyone’s toes with Timberland boots on.

‘It’s A London Thing’ – So you want to go clubbing in London? There are a few things you need to know first. Ak-Man breaks down the scene and categorises some of the groups to look out for.

‘Snippet’ – As you know I’m writing a book. I guess it’s not too fair to babble on about how great it’s going to be. So I’ll be posting up a snippet of my work so you can all get a taster.

‘Ak-Man’s Guide To Blind Dating . . . Part Two’ – Don’t think I just left you all out there to dry . . . After delving in to the basics in Part One, the blind dating guru breaks down the actual date. A lot of great pointers are up for grabs.

‘Ask A Nigerian Man’ – If you read ‘Ask A Former McDonalds Employee’ then you’ll know what this is all about. If you haven’t, then check it out.

‘The Worst Shade Of Black’ – This piece is actually finished and ready to go . . . but I’m not too sure if I want to post it up. It’s a collection of some of my worst writing attempts while I’ve been blogging. Writing so poor that it never found its way onto this site. Russian roulette with one empty chamber.

See, I’ve been in the lab folks . . . just need to remember how to wrap things up.

A to the . . .