Ak-Man's Blogging CV/Resume

Curriculum Vitae

Name: Ak-Man

Address: http://adarkershadeofblack.blogspot.com

Personal Profile:

They said the wheel couldn’t be reinvented . . . so that’s exactly what I did! I made it rounder and added a few more curves, increasing efficiency by 0.9 percent! I am the shit, the bee’s knees, the dog’s bollocks! I am the empty barrel that made no noise, a walking conundrum with an ego that could eclipse the sun freezing over this hell we call earth. Basically, I am the pirate DVD you were please to purchase until you realised that I am indeed a cinematic experience!

Education Achievements:

• I could read and write before I went to school . . . so why did I leave with ‘C’ grades in English Language and Literature?
• Seriously considered taking a short course in creative writing.
• Read The Da Vinci Code before it was released as a movie

Key Skills/Qualities:

• Spelling, Grammar and Punctuation.
• Offbeat Humour
• Pub Quiz Knowledge
• Openly Biased Mind

Relevant Experience:

• 14+ Months of A Darker Shade Of Black
• Completed One Chapter of A Future Best-Selling Novel
• George Bush’s Speech Writer
• An Accredited Thesis Disproving The Loch Ness Monster
• A Tale Of Two Cities

References are available on request. But please don’t request them.

A to the . . .

10,000

Cheers!

10,000 page hits . . . quite the mile stone eh? Did this in about 10months, that’s a lot of blogging.

That’s like 1,000 hits a months, and the end of our maths lesson.

Hope you folks have been enjoying my randomness, creative burst, religious and political views. Along with my demented dating tips and techniques, little life stories and the occasional works or art. Jeez, what a treasure I am ey?

Okay . . . It’s not quite 10,000 yet, the exact number as I type is . . . 9,984. I’m sure I’ll pop the cork this weekend. *Cheesy Grin*

Here are my favourite posts from each month of blogging. Feel free to check them out . . . you can even check out my archive and nominate an alternative for post of the month. You might stumble across a little treasure that shouldn’t be buried just because its month has passed.

January: The Fountain

February: 10 Useful/Useless Things I’d Like To Ask God When I Get To Heaven

March: The Race To End The World . . . who will win?

April: ‘Like Father Like Son’ or ‘Mamma’s Boy’

May: The Autobiography Of A Non-Smoker Who Kind Of Smoked

June: Ask A Former McDonald’s Employee

July: Yeah I’m Gonna Beat My Kids

August: More Than Just A Game

Sept: Ex

It’s been fun . . . let’s see how ’07 rounds off.

A to the . . .

The Conclusion

“Where’s all the updates you lazy SOB?” – No one actually said this.

Somewhere along the line I’ve lost the ability to wrap up and conclude on my thought processes. This makes it quite hard to finish anything I start on. And I’ve been working on quite a lot as you’ll see.

Despite not having as much spare time as I’m used to, I’m still scribbling on scrap paper, typing out findings, theories and reviews. But I get so far and then struggle to wrap it up. It’s kind of like writers block, but with a delayed affect.

Regardless, there’s still a lot to expect from A Darker Shade Of Black

Well I’ve got a bit more free time coming up so I plan to get this blog back on track. As my frequent readers are already aware, I have loads of opinions. I try to take on issues from alternative view points to provide something that’s hopefully refreshing and humorous.

I guess I feel the obligated to display some evidence of my productivity. Here are some titles you can expect to see on here once I remember how to formulate a conclusion.

‘It Must Suck Being Ugly’ – An exploration into pop culture’s obsession with appearances and it’s affects on ‘real’ life.

‘Get Your ‘Jungle Fever’ Vaccination’ – Black men and white women; it’s a timeless debate, but one that’s rarely battled on even ground. I stick my big nose into the issue whilst stepping on everyone’s toes with Timberland boots on.

‘It’s A London Thing’ – So you want to go clubbing in London? There are a few things you need to know first. Ak-Man breaks down the scene and categorises some of the groups to look out for.

‘Snippet’ – As you know I’m writing a book. I guess it’s not too fair to babble on about how great it’s going to be. So I’ll be posting up a snippet of my work so you can all get a taster.

‘Ak-Man’s Guide To Blind Dating . . . Part Two’ – Don’t think I just left you all out there to dry . . . After delving in to the basics in Part One, the blind dating guru breaks down the actual date. A lot of great pointers are up for grabs.

‘Ask A Nigerian Man’ – If you read ‘Ask A Former McDonalds Employee’ then you’ll know what this is all about. If you haven’t, then check it out.

‘The Worst Shade Of Black’ – This piece is actually finished and ready to go . . . but I’m not too sure if I want to post it up. It’s a collection of some of my worst writing attempts while I’ve been blogging. Writing so poor that it never found its way onto this site. Russian roulette with one empty chamber.

See, I’ve been in the lab folks . . . just need to remember how to wrap things up.

A to the . . .

Writing My Book

In between living and trying to stay alive I’m taking time to put together a masterpiece. I’m working on my book, I’m currently one chapter deep (actually a milestone) and it’s looking like a modern day classic. The first chapter has taken three attempts but I’m happy with it now and I’ve formulated fat chunky chunks of plots and twits in my head. It’s seems that my plan to read several books for inspiration has finally paid off . . . its now plagiarism time! Can I get a High Five on that?

The biggest downer to writing a book is . . . writing it of course! Who has the time and effort for that? It was hard enough coming up with an idea worth getting excited about.

I’ve worked on books in the past . . . I have more ideas than books. And of course I think all of my ideas are potential best sellers. But I have a good feeling about this one. Not that it’ll get published and be a best seller, but I actually think I’ll finish it . . . some time this century. I’ve decided to live past one hundred so it’s not a big deal.

Other than realising the mass of this challenge I’ve also come across a few other contributing factors that may hinder my progress.

Work is the biggest hitter. I always feel like working on my book whist at work . . . then by the time I get home it’s a ‘long ting’, just want to lay back and relax. There are of course the weekends, but weekends aren’t book writing days . . . weekends are actually just Friday nights and Saturdays and I’m 23 . . . even if I don’t end the night with my head pressed against a night bus I’ll find myself glued to the TV watching football . . . and then watching football highlights. So time could be made, but you know . . .

Ugh . . . my dusty laptop is another moral killer. I have to turn it on fifteen minutes before I want to use it. So it makes sense that I don’t shut it down, I always put it on standby. But this tin of tuna decides when it wants to turn off . . . and it gives no warning. Just cuts off. At 10pm, with your alarm set for 6am, you’ll question how much you really desire to get that chapter wrapped up . . . it can wait.

No worries though, I should have a new high spec PC on the way. Wide screen monitor, dual core processor, 300+ GB Memory and some other cool stuff that’ll make it great for watching movies and playing games . . . oh, and writing books as well.

I was easily distracted at school, not too much has changed. But I got good grades, give me a break, I said it’s a masterpiece.

I’m sure I’d make more progress on a typewriter . . . no MSN, Facebook or YouTube to distract me. Just me, my typewriter and a snazzy tip-ex pen . . . box of crayons for the illustrations, one picture every ten pages.

A modern day classic.

A to the . . .