There are three main reasons a girl will string you along.
1. You’re not the only guy she is interested in and she wants to see which of her options the best is.
2. Your game isn’t strong enough so she isn’t too convinced if you are worth her time or not.
3. She is unsure of your intentions and wants to make sure that they match up to hers.
These are all valid reasons, but they will cost you a lot of time and maybe even money. To save you time, money, and of course pride I will point out some of the signs that suggest a girl may be stringing you along.
Point One . . . “She never calls me”
This is probably one of the most obvious ways to tell if you’re being strung along, however it’s so craftily countered that most guys remain oblivious. Any girl that’s interested will find a way to call you if you’ve put in enough effort, this is undisputable. So if she doesn’t call you, or VERY rarely calls you, it’s possible that you’re being strung along.
When you do call her she’ll say something along these lines, “I’m so glad you called, I was thinking about you”. This is a devious little trick indeed as it gives the guy the impression that he is on the girls mind. You’ll notice that a girl who is stringing you along won’t actually tell you why you were on her mind even if you ask; you weren’t on her mind. The two of you will probably engage in a lengthy conversation and she will compliment you, “You make me laugh”. Wise up lads, if you were on her mind you would have got a call, or even a text message.
Point Two . . . “She’s always too busy to meet me”
Oh boy, oh boy!
Sometime last year I was in Burger King with a friend. We were chatting about this topic and I was getting a bit too comfortable in a public place; I was talking rather loud. We were saying how girls are never too busy to meet a guy; they just pretend they are to make themselves appear less available. This in turn makes you want them more. A girl sitting adjacent turns to us in agreement (laughing) and confirms our sporadic outbursts. Ever experienced the following scenario?
Boy: So what have you been up to lately?
Girl: Nothing. . .
Boy: So, erm, what are you getting up to this week?
Girl: Nothing. . .
Boy: Wanna meet up during the week?
Girl: I can’t, I’m busy
The scenario is usually followed by a corny excuse (e.g. “I have to get my hair done”) that you should see through, especially considering that you haven’t yet set a time or a date. Wise up lads, she should at least recommend a day (within the next 7 days) when she will be available if she isn’t stringing you along.
Point Three . . . “She stood me up”
Getting stood up is no joke, a girl well and truly deserves a punch in the nose for pulling a stunt like this. Getting stood up isn’t just a case of waiting outside a cinema, restaurant or train station for an hour. It also includes last minute cancellations. If you jump out of the shower before your expected date, and find a text message which reads something along these lines…
Sorri hun, cant make it 2day sumfin came up. Really sorri xxx
Then you got stood up bro, take it on the chin. What’s worse is that she’ll call you later and say how sorry she is, and tell you that she’ll ‘make it up to you’. But she won’t really explain why she couldn’t make it and she’ll play mind games by saying something like, “I can understand why you’re mad, I’d be mad too”. So it now seems like she’s understanding and on your side. This makes it harder for you to be mad at her and do the right thing, which is to find her and punch her in the nose. Wise up lads, there isn’t much you can do to predict this. Either delete her number like I would, or tell her that she has to pay when you both next go out, and make sure she knows you mean it.
Point Four . . . “She says she isn’t ready for a serious relationship”
LOL! This one cracks me up, it really does.
I discovered this one when I was 18; I was getting strung along by one of my co-workers. She had previously been in a long term relationship, so it made sense to me that she wouldn’t want to rush into anything. Don’t fall for this nonsense guys, it’s a slick line, no doubt, but not something you should take seriously at all. Why? Well unless you actually told the girl you wanted a serious relationship she has no grounds for slowing things down on that premise. As far as you’re concerned, you just want to see ‘how things go’.
After a girl drops this line, don’t engage in conversation that involves her ex. She’ll use this to reinforce reasons why she can’t get too close to you. E.g. “My ex was nice to me at first then he hurt my feelings, I can’t allow that to happen to me again.” or some garbage along those lines. She’s trying to slow down your pace, delay your game, and make you feel justified in not seeing her since you got her number. Wise up lads, asking a girl if she wants to meet up doesn’t mean you’re moving too fast.
If a girl drops three or more of these ‘signs’ on you then it’s quite likely that she isn’t just stringing you along, she is in fact not interested. All of these points have counter attacks which you have to learn for yourself. I would put some up here but girls are reading and I don’t want them to develop their own strategies for dealing with ‘persistent’ guys.
“People used to look out on the playground and say that the boys were playing soccer and the girls were doing nothing. But the girls weren’t doing nothing – they were talking. They were talking about the world to one another. And they became very expert about that in a way the boys did not.” – Carol Gilligan
It’s so true, so shamefully true.
A to the . . .
Monday, 26 February 2007
There are three main reasons a girl will string you along.
We're natural-born bargain hunters:
After years of grooming from parents (every Saturday at Dalston with those red and blue shopping bags) damn right we know about the value of money and how to make it s-t-r-e-t-c-h.
The way that we will TREK when the words 'free' or 'special offer' are involved. It has been known for me to make a serious pilgrimage for Jerk Chicken, Rice & Peas and a drink - £1.99! And everyone knows they MADE a friend when McD's were doing that BOGOF week (or were a hefer and ate both).
The Dining Experience:
BUFFET! A glorious word to a black person. We prepare for the event like an athlete preparing for the Olympics. No snacking, elasticated clothing with no restrictions. Straight in with the hard food, forget the starters. Clear all appointments for the day-this is a three hour affair at least!
None of your family understands the number 'one':
I once tried telling my Nan that I only wanted one spoon of rice. She found the heftiest ladle she could and still built Mount Everest on my plate.
Try and tell a family member you're on Atkins and see what happens to you:
They'll either guilt trip you, cuss you or become your self-appointed nutritionist. None of which are good things (expect the kissing of teeth, for God to be bought into it somehow and for a family meeting to be called in typical parental over-reaction).
We only visit Suya Express (Dalston), Nando's or Aroma (Notice all feature huge portions, meat and pepper in some form...a winning formula). Gordon Ramsey can keep his cordon bleu, bare-space-round-the-plate, £50-a-head fart!
As always, let me know,
Thursday, 22 February 2007
A brief explanation of Lent for those of you who don’t know or aren’t too sure. It started yesterday (21st of February) by the way.
Lent last 40 days and is a reflective period for Christians as it represents Jesus’ time in the desert where he fasted for 40 days AND nights (being tempted by the Devil). Lent is also the build up to Easter, the Christian season which celebrates the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. That’s as basic as it gets.
In an attempt at emulating Jesus, Christians give up certain things they love for this period as a means of sacrifice and self denial. Not many people fast for 40 days (and nights) in this period because of health reasons. My parents observe the fast for its entire duration but break their fast at 6pm daily. This way they don’t end up in hospital and they can still enjoy their favourite foods; just not as often. When I do fast it’s usually for a week at most and I’ll break my fast at 3pm each day. I have fasted till 6pm before but almost cried out of hunger and despair. Even when I fast till 3pm it’s a struggle. Most people who know me personally know that food is a weakness of mine (like an addiction) . . . I’ll pretty much eat anything edible, not fussy at all. Dead or alive.
Giving up food is on my list of ‘things to do during lent’, and will probably be the most challenging. Lord, help me!
In addition to starving myself daily for a couple of weeks during this period I will also challenge myself to complete a book I should have finished already (last year in fact). The book is written by Rick Warren and is titled ‘The Purpose Driven Life’. The idea is to read a chapter a day for 40 days (yup 40 day’s ties in perfectly with Lent) with the hope of coming more enlightened about God’s purpose for my life. Sounds good init? In 40 days time I may be a whole new person. Do I even want to be? I’m kind of hoping that God understands my part-time Christian lifestyle/mentality . . . I foolishly embrace it and label it as ‘spiritual immaturity’. They way we console ourselves; it’s such a shame.
I go through patches where my intentions are to do things by the book (The Bible). However, it doesn’t take too much for me to wander back to ‘my desires’. At times the burdens of life become too much for me to carry (or i can't be bothered to carry them); I should ask God for help (and I do), but when the answers don’t come quickly, I drop my worries and burdens in exchange for sin. It’s so easy to sin, and it usually feels great too.
So the plan is to look at lent as a means of focusing me life towards Godly things and away from ungodly things. This is going to be very hard indeed . . .
. . . Thinking about it now, I don’t think reading a book and fasting for 14 days (at 7days a time) will be enough. Especially taking into consideration that I may likely stuff my face from 3pm till bed time, and I’m also currently reading a book by Tom Sykes (titled What Did I Do Last Night) about his life and how alcohol and drugs affected it. Let’s hope the ending is filled with good morals and not a giant conclusion which paraphrases Eminem’s lyric “you only live once, you might as well die now”.
A to the . . .
Monday, 19 February 2007
1) How did I end up here and not downstairs? (Any selfless acts? Maybe I’ll save a life or soul before my innings are over?)
2) What did I do in my lifetime on earth that least impressed you? (The sins. I hope I don’t do any worse that what I’ve done before, I’ve been trying lately; well kinda)
3) How much chicken did I eat? I didn’t like chicken like most people; I was in polygamous relationship with it. I need stats. (Weight and cost; averages/percentages per week)
4) If there was a ranking system developed for the world’s best looking man, where would I rank? (Very curios; considering the current population and people who have lived and died I figure that even being ranked like 1 billion would be a compliment…it doesn’t REALLY matter but I’d like to know)
5) There have most probably been areas of my life where I was spared from doing something very wrong, stupid or harmful to myself and others…which are the main areas where you divinely intervened? (I’ve had knives and guns pulled out on me; but not a scratch. I’ve also almost drowned on several occasions; I can only swim 14 meters . . . oh and when I drive I’m usually thinking of everything else but the road)
6) I’m grateful for being created as a black man; but do we (black people) receive additional grace and mercy for having to endure unprovoked experiences of discrimination and racism? It’s not something we can control; it’s just something we deal with in different ways right? Some get great jobs, some sell drugs and others turn to a life of Christ (some do all three).
7) Another “vain” question (depending on who’s reading), but how many girls at some point in their lives fancied me? I knew bout a few of them, but I’m kind of hoping there is a whole bunch of others I never knew about. (It’ll give me a little buzz, ya dig? . . . "Oh really, her too? Never would have guessed.")
8) What’s up with all this talk of aliens, ghost and things of that nature? All these weirdo’s kept making documentaries and stuff? A few people told me their personal stories and I just thought they were talking nonsense, like “Yeah, there was a ghost in my school” … oh please, we all had 'ghosts' in our schools! Why do you think kids never wanted to go? Some clarity please.
9) Females…? They were a conspiracy right? Be real with me … they were like dinosaur bones, put there to test out faith right? You wanted to test our tolerance, restraint and obedience … I get it now … you filled the world with gorgeous ladies of different types so no guy could avoid the test! That’s why they out number us and that’s why you dislike homosexual’s right? … right…?
10) I was wrong about question nine … then where’s all the girls? (. . .)
It would be cool to have a book of stats based on my life; kind of like the Guinness book of records, but just for me. When I’m done reading mine, you wanna swap?
A to the . . .
Saturday, 17 February 2007
Now I understand why Joe was busy hiding from irony,
Karma’s a bitch too and the bitch keeps finding me.
I ain’t that cute don’t know why she has her eye on me,
Something I did before? Most likely she’s reminding me.
Akin the angel? Innocent victim?
That’s never the case, with good reason she picked him.
Mistakes I made then with intent and so proudly,
I come to regret whilst on the other side of the story.
No greener grass here, just concrete paving,
The walls are stone cold with my name engraved in.
All of a sudden I start feeling reflective,
Imprisoned in myself just letting the message set in.
I can’t take this, I wanna change the settings,
Change the whole set but regret has to set in.
Just let burn till it can’t get worse, it’s due,
Then she’ll leave and take vengeance for what they did to you.
It's open to interpretation, but the preferred reading seems pretty clear to me. What do you think?
A to the . . .
Wednesday, 14 February 2007
So who’ll be your Valentine? You’re guaranteed the DVD guy will score, (hopefully the fake naïve girl won’t be faking when she climaxes). The useless vagabond will forget, and the friend (who’ll have text ‘happy v. day!’ at midnight) will just happen to be there with Two Can Play That Game and a tub of Ben and Jerry’s. The link’s link, will wait in vain for a call that won’t come, ‘cos her assigned booty call day is Friday (Unlucky love).
Fair enough, it’s not all bad and some of you will have some seriously envy-inducing experiences, but if all the choice I’m left with is the above, Thank God I’m single!
Tuesday, 6 February 2007
At 18 I wasn’t ready to live alone, I thought I was (as you do) but I wasn’t even close. At 22 I could now give it a better shot and do ok for myself; but the wisdom gained over four years allows me to know that if I chill for a few more years I can pay a mortgage instead of rent, ya dig?
I sent out an email to people who said they wouldn’t mind writing for the site, check out some of their opinions and experiences. First out of the starting blocks is Sasha, get em girl!
Ak-Man: I feel your pain! You add chamber maid to your CV, and I’ll add cab driver. I’m not going to turn this into boys vs. girls; we both ‘earn our keep’ in ways that don’t cost money. Ways that brings your blood pressure up when you hear a key in the door or your name being yelled from upstairs. Ways that stop you from answering your phone (oh its true). But since we both haven’t lived away from home, let’s hear from someone who does. Let’s get a male perspective on the case.
Is it considered cool to be living at home when you get to a certain age? To prevent argument we will say 25. When asked a question like that it only triggers one response from an individual. “No”. So then you have to look at the +ves and -ves of living at home or starting your own life in a place you can call yours.
If I’m honest the positives are only positive if you parents earn 100K a year and money is no object to them:
Free food, cooked meals and no bills to pay
Then I look at the negatives of staying at home:
Your mum is always complaining about the dishes you didn’t wash or the music is too loud. If its not one thing it’s something else. Who in there right mind wants that kind of hassle. Don’t get me wrong I love my mum to bits but I find myself in a catch 22. Take orders like a soldier or move out.
So this brings me on to the other side of the discussion the +ves of moving out and the –ves.
The obvious positives of getting your own place is you have the freedom to do whatever you see fit whether it’s parties, loud music, or naked girls wrestling in mud in the back garden. Affectively you are the General of the house.
The negatives are only negative to some individuals as some people are unfazed.
Cooking every day or finding something to eat who needs or wants that hassle? Then there’s thee constant cleaning you found yourself avoiding when you were living at home.
If you’re sharing a place what are your flatmates like? (Personal anecdote will follow)
Now I have outlined my point of view ill get to the punch line because readers are probably thinking “what the hell is this guy chatting about?”
To anyone who has made this statement (and I’m paraphrasing) “I can’t wait to get my own place” I really do urge you to reconsider because the shocking truth is as follows. Living alone is NOT all its hyped up to be. I mean yeah I could have parties and have a Pro tournament every other day but is that really living?
I’m 20 and I currently live with 2 girls and my cousin who will remain unnamed. I’m at university which is a bit far so living at home isn’t really an intelligent option. For the people reading who know me, I’m a nice laid back guy who is not easily pissed off! So to speak. So before I move in, I’m thinking yeah living wit my cus and 2 girls, that’s a nice setup. “Wrong Answer”. Now I’m by no means a Bitch but there are things people do and I can’t help but analyse.
I mean for Example and I do mean example because I don’t want to name and shame my flatmate, I come home from a long day at university and a session at the gym to find hair and I don’t mean a strand. This is in my kitchen sink on plates that we have to eat off of. Now like I said I’m no bitch. Your probably thinking just wash it off right? And forget about……… if this wasn’t such a strange thing to do I might have just done that. For anyone who lives with women you know you’re bound to find hair about the place, lets face it that’s just human nature. I can make allowances for this, but then I find myself pondering what if the shoe was on the other foot. Let’s suppose I cut my toe nails and left them in a bowl in the sink I would like to think somebody might have a word or two to say to me. If I did that at home my mum would have me out the door so fast my feet wouldn’t touch the ground. To end this little story I left the plate and I make sure I only eat from my own plates which I went out and bought personally.
Now back to the main issue at hand, is it considered cool to be living at home past a certain age? Well if my living experiences I have encountered in the past 6 months have taught me anything who cares about being cool. Let’s face it, you could pretend that life is sweet if you were living my life. In the back of your mind you know if you were back home everything would be fine.
So when push comes to shove I know Id rather be un-cool and living at home when I’m 25. Then considered cool and be unhappy with my living circumstances.
When asked to Leave the nest Or Overstay my welcome? I know which one wins for me every single time.
Rod…….thanks for listening to me ramble on for 2 pages.
Ak-man: Ah, room-mates, a part of this equation that is usually over looked when I’ve talked to people about this topic. A lot of people tend to assume that moving out = living alone; this is not always the case (yeah I like bursting bubbles). I look forward to living alone; maybe just me and my bitch actually. And if she tried that stunt with the hair she’d soon see that spite isn’t exercised by just women! I’m not going to say what I’ll do because some of you may be eating right now; but it would make Rodney’s idea of putting toe nail clippings into a bowl seem quite edible . . . with milk and sugar of course.
Sasha pointed out that most girls are treated like . . . well like girls and not ladies. A lot of you still have to play 20 questions before you step out the house. Isn’t that sweet? I doubt Shareen thinks so; let’s see what’s keeping her at home.
Shareen: These are true times…… Many of us are aware that we are getting on and that our parents were out of their family home waaaay before the ages of 25… the difference today is we are not living in the same times, things have changed and although it was hard for them, it is harder for us.
If we choose to better ourselves by going through to further education, we are charged heftily to do so. If you do not enter student accommodation and your parents do not kick you out of home, you can comfortably stay at home for free or cheap living. Once you have finished studying you are then left with thousands to pay back, and many of us struggle to find the career job that we have worked so hard to get and to pay this debt off.
The thought of getting a place of my own feels intangible and I’m nearly 23. I have discussed many of times with family and friends about the amount of money that I will have to save just to get a deposit on a FLAT, let alone a house; it makes my heart sink just to think about it. It seems like unless I put my name on the council, (where I have no chance of getting a place anyway) I will be living in my parent’s house for a good while yet.
Am I complaining? Not really as I’m not feeling moving out anytime soon. I understand what the reality is on living on you own; bills coming out of you ears, all work and no play… not really where I want be right now. I appreciate all my parents do for me, and although the thought of owning my own property is exciting, everything that comes with it keeps me appreciating where I am now.
I am not feeling pressured to leave the family home because I look around me and many of my peers are in the same situation I am. Plus my parents are not talking about kicking me out (I don’t think they want me or my sisters to go anyway).
I don’t think staying at home is considered to be cool now; it’s just not such a big deal if you are still at home.
Keep doing what you’re doing!! Shareen.
Ak-man: What more needs to be said?
Get money and then move out; that’s not advice nor a warning. It’s just how I’m going to do it.
A to the . . .
. . . And company of course!