Hitting The Right Vein

True Blood – Season One

Tits, ass, murder and more tits. The highly promoted vampire series has all of this in great abundance. It is certainly not one to watch with the parents, unless of course your dad bought you your first porno mag . . . and showed you how to use it! Shudder.


Over halfway through the first season I figure I should have grasped an idea as to what all the fuss is about. Does the show have any real substance, and can the storyline carry it? Well it’s not gripping, but it’s certainly fun. True Blood is not a show that relies on cliffhangers week in week out to reel the audience back in. The idea here is that you’ll enjoy the fifty or so minutes so much that you’ll already be looking forward to the next installment before the current one is done.


Those yet to be exposed to the blood fest, open your minds to a world adjusting to humans and vampires cohabiting. You don’t need to go too far back in the history books to know that the up rise of any minority group has never been a smooth ride – so buckle up as it’s no different here. To make it an even bumpier ride the show is set in Bon Temps, Louisiana. The town is fictional so don’t go there looking for a ‘fang bang’, but I have it on good word that the State of Louisiana is very much real.


We are in the Bible Belt of America, and we have Vampires. A clear binary you’d think; good v evil. Yes, but we’ve seen good v evil more times than Amy Winehouse has been spotted in a KFC. So what’s so special here? Firstly, no one is really that good, least of all the humans you’d naturally identify with. The town oozes fornication, murder, racism, bigotry and more. And those exempt are either half-past crazy or (soon to be) dead.


True Blood is highly rated here in the UK and it’s a show I certainly recommend to those not easily offended. It’s fun, frisky and imaginative, with bimbos for the guys and jocks for the gals. Aside from the jiggling breast shots there are generous helpings of genuine romance, mystery, suspense and thriller – don’t forget the laughs, the show doesn't take itself too seriously.


You can catch leading lady Sookie, Vampire Bill, their friends and foes Wednesday nights on Channel 4 from 10pm. You haven’t missed much, jump online and catch the first two episodes on 4OD.


A to the . . .

Thankfully He’s No Adam West

It of course makes no sense for me to review a movie without watching it . . . so instead I'll review two movies I’m yet to see. More like two movies I am eager to watch. The buzz surrounding the highly anticipated and latest instalment of the Batman series (is it the sequel or like part six?) The Dark Knight has caught my attention and prompted me into downloading Batman Begins.

…Unfortunately my attempt was halted by a shoddy copy which forced me to restart my PC; shame on me : (

Luckily enough things have a habit for working out for me, and a colleague has borrowed me the Batman Begins two Disc Special DVD. Another victory for the freeloading mastermind, hoorah!

I can’t tell you much about the movie for previously noted reasons, but I can tell you why I’m eager to watch it. For me Batman Begins appears to be one of the movies that regrettably slipped through my viewing net. Nowadays we’re not blessed with great films to view in the cinema every month, so we’ve attached ourselves to television shows such as Heroes, Prison Break and Desperate Housewives to stimulate our couch potato lifestyles. When we’re told that they’re making another Superman, Batman or Spiderman movie we (mean I) think “Ahh, not this shit again”…

In Spiderman’s defence the trilogy was well executed and had a healthy and consistent balance of drama, action, entertainment and character development. Superman of the other hand… well let’s just say I have no desire to watch his return.

Now Batman is in a league of his own thanks to Val Kilmer and George Clooney’s career threatening attempts. And let us swiftly forget Arnold playing Mr. Freeze . . . oh Lord. So surely I can be forgiven for snubbing the return of a superhero who has no superpowers? And who’s ever been to Metropolis or Gotham City? The challenge of a making a great Batman movie has swallowed a few teams along the way. Do we highlight his comic book roots, or his dark natured background? Only a goose would choose the prior and make Batman a family film… twice! Was Adam West’s portrayal of The Dark Knight ever taken seriously? Would you ever look at that portrayal of Batman and think Dark Knight? No! You’d think, “Get a real job! I don’t want my taxes paying for your crime fighting benevolence.”



Trailers of The Dark Night have left me in awe at the psychopathic nature and revamped look of The Joker. You’d think twice before calling this guy a clown. The latest movies have certainly grown up from the Clooney days, and we should all pray that they don’t reintroduce that little rascal Robin. I’d really be disappointed if I popped in the Batman Begins DVD and saw that poor excuse for a sidekick.

I like the fact that they’ve hit the ‘Restart’ button on the Batman legacy as a continuation would always draw the audience back to Bruce Wayne’s slapstick past… POW! . . . ZAP! . . . BIFF! . . . WTF! By telling Batman’s story from the beginning once again were presented with a new character to assess, one who can’t be affiliated with the shameless characters that came before him. We’re presented with another chance to deem Batman worthy of superhero status and to apply credit to his disposition and intentions.

It would appear that this time around Batman hasn’t returned primarily to fill seats or sell action figures. He’s back to show that there is a great story behind his character, there is depth, and there are hopefully reasons to forget that it’s just a film.

Now if I watch it and it’s the same old shit I’ll be back here to burn Bruce down to the ground! . . . and that silly car of his too.

A to the . . .

Jump On It

Is it ever really too late to jump onto a fad?

Of course it is! You don’t want to be that weirdo on the bus wearing a bandana and playing with a Tamogotchi. Timing is of course the biggest factor as most of these trends are either seasonal or simply the flavour of the month. Catch on too late and you would have missed ‘the movement’.

Many come and go; they’re typically started by trendsetters like me, or resourceful folks like me. Not one to blow my own trumpet (all the time), but I did introduce you all to the T-Shirt and Jeans combo . . . and that’s still running strong till this day.

I don’t want any of you to look back and think ‘where was I when that took off?’ It doesn’t have to be that way. Here are some bandwagons that are moving along nicely . . . feel free to jump on.

Facebook

I’m an active member of this online community. This is because unlike most of the others out there which are used (and let’s be realistic) by lonely people who want to get laid or have no real friends, Facebook is designed to bring you closer to the people you already know. This is what makes Facebook unique . . . and a reason why a lot of employees are on their final warning.

With Facebook you can’t simple search people and have a good rummage through their profile and pictures. You can only do this if you are added to the individuals ‘friends’ list.

You may also find Facebook useful for finding old friends. The privacy settings on Facebook means that the majority of those singed use their real name and not an online alias such as ‘SEXY_BABE_69’ or ‘WELL_HUNG’.

I’ve found long and short lost classmates and former work colleagues. It’s a worthy bandwagon to jump on . . . and its recent news coverage adds too its prestige.

Heroes

Television, as we all should know is getting worse by the day. Fortunately there are a few gems out there worthy of attention. The latest one to grab me is Heroes. I’m pretty late in getting involved in this, but I’m glad I have. What a great show so far. I’ve watched the first five episodes of Season One and I’m pretty much hooked. I’m in catch up mode however as they are already onto Season Two.

Heroes has a lot to offer, I can see it running for quite sometime. In a few more years it’ll be one of those shows that used to be great until they ran out of ideas but kept making more episodes. At present it’s an exciting show which meets its potential and raises many questions you’ll want answered.

You can catch up on the fun here:

http://www.cucirca.com/2007/05/27/watch-heroes-online/

Expect exciting cliff-hangers, attractive females (well only two so far) and a storyline that’ll keep you up all night . . . ‘just one more episode.’

8 Min Abs

Since the ‘gym’ movement is still in affect, here’s a product I won’t stop raving on about.

OK, I’ve never actually been overweight. But as a man of vanity I must recommend this DVD to one and all who like to stare at themselves in the mirror with a self satisfied grin.

This is pretty much the ULTIMATE abdominal workout. I jumped on this movement sometime last year and saw great results in a month. Three mornings a week I’d wake up extra early pop in the DVD and crunch like never before. At first I struggled (as you do when working new muscles) then eventually it became a satisfying routine.

I haven’t done 8 Min Abs for about five months now, and no word of a lie, my stomach is still toned from way back when. The chocolate and ice cream is doing me no favours . . . but I’m a man so I don’t care. I’ll only wash it down with a pint anyway.

If I wasn’t so lazy and probably look for the DVD.

Corinne Bailey Rae

“And I wonder why it is, I don’t argue like this, with anyone but you

I wonder why it is, I won’t let my guard down, for anyone but you”

– Just Like A Star

Of course the lyrics sound better with her singing . . . that’s why I haven’t copied the whole song. Trust me on this one . . . its money well spent. Or time well spent if like me you’re only a few clicks away . . . I shall say no more on that matter.

Get your swerve on people . . . does ANYONE say that still?

It’s not an order for you all to go out and be shepherded by frowsy pop culture . . . Lord knows I like to be an outcast and make a nuisance of myself also. These are just a few pastimes that’ll help you keep one foot in the bandwagon.

A to the . . .

Oh No You Don’t

Let me quickly bang this out before the rage fades.

Two weeks ago I parted with hard cash to watch a film called Transformers . . . you may have heard of it? OF COURSE YOU HAVE! It’s been promoted as one of the biggest blockbusters of the year . . . yeah right. Unsaturated pure garbage! This is why I download and watch so many movies on my laptop . . . free of charge.

I’m a tough film critic, no doubt. But I didn’t expect too much from Transformers. Fight scenes and eye pleasing special affects. The movie had both . . . so why was I sat in front of the big screen getting angrier with each scene?

OK, OK! I admit I was drawn into the movie during the first half an hour. There was a good balance of action and humour, hot shots of the leading lady and feint attempts at generating a storyline. Good stuff so far . . .

Add a poor attempt at a plausible storyline, completely unrealistic stunts and interaction between the Transformers and humans, and a whole bunch of irregularities and you have the formula to making Ak-Man furious!

It was Megan Fox’s Oscar award winning performance that silenced my boos and jeers.

Example:

Funny man Sam Witwicky can not only out run a Transformer twenty times his size, with intergalactic technological abilities, but he can also get whacked 30ft onto a car and walk off unharmed, he didn’t even wince in pain, shock maybe? . . . I’m far from believing that.

I watch a scene like that and think, ‘what foolishness!’

Allow me to break down another irregularity I observed. After the first 30mins I was actively looking for them, and had no trouble finding them.

Example:

OK, this Transformer called Bumblebee can’t speak English due to a technological malfunction. So he uses the car radio to talk. Yeah it’s as stupid as it sounds. He rapidly switches between radio stations picking out words and phrases to generate sentences that just about understandable, if you care about what he has to say. I could get into why this is also unbelievable but I’ll let it slide because of the bigger picture.

The rest of the Transformers speak mighty fine English for a bunch on immigrants . . . also not a problem. We are told that they learnt to speak English from the internet. I don’t even want to know how they got on online r what they were doing, I’ll let it slide.

OK check this . . . Megatron (bad guy Transformer) also speaks PERFECT English!!! Here is the problem. When he came to Earth over a century ago he crash landed and was frozen in ice. There also wasn’t any internet at the time . . .

. . . Please offer your explanations so that I can tear them to pieces.

This movie is filled with numerous acts of nonsense. It’s hard to miss them unless you slept through the film . . . I almost dozed off a few times but was worried that I’d miss a good shot of Miss Fox.

It pains me greatly that most of the people I know actually enjoyed this film. I’m constantly finding new reason to question friendships. Transformers is a movie created to be enjoyed by children and morons. Take from that what you will.

I wish I writ this as soon as I got home . . . but Arsenal were playing and I had to watch the match. Then almost two weeks worth of ‘stuff’ happened so it almost got overlooked.

Please also note that Transformers literally went missing, couldn’t aim despite their advanced technology, and often changed their scale just to bug me. Daylight switched to night time in a car chase that lasted under a minute, nothing in-between, just bright sunshine, then high night. Captain Lennox skidded his motorbike, slid off it then slid on the road, on his back for twenty meters and used his rocket launcher (which he had in hand the whole time) to take a shot at a Transformer. ‘What foolishness’, then nothing happened, he just ran and hid in a side street. What was the point of that completely unrealistic stunt?

Did any of you guys watch and enjoy this movie? Let me know what you liked about it. Megan Fox and the special effects are both off limits as they were both unarguably great features of the movie. Wait for it to be released on DVD so you can be one of the cool people who don’t own it.

A to the . . .

Don’t Look Back

Who did it?
Why did they do it?
How did they do it?

Crime fiction has always appealed to me. I’m drawn in by the mystery, the ever growing enigma and the thrill of the chase. Time is never on the lead’s side as lives are on the line, the evidence points in too many places, and the body count rises. You root for the good guys, you want good to prevail over evil, and most importantly you want to know who did it. Who did do it?

I’ve read the first seven chapters of Simon Kernick’s ‘Relentless’ and even though I have been given enough reasons to read on, I haven’t been at all impressed by his writing style and head first approach. For what it’s worth, I have the “Uncorrected Free Book Proof”; the actual retail copy might have been sharpened up in areas. You might also want to know that it’s been quite some time since I’ve picked up a crime fiction novel. The last one I recall was ‘Past Mortem’ by Ben Elton, and that was over two years ago.

After seven chapters I am still yet to connect with the main character Tom. There is a little bit of sympathy for him and I like the way he thinks. But his character hasn’t been built up enough for me to be too concerned about his fate, not just yet anyway. At the moment, he’s a bit too ‘normal’, and Kernick reinforces this again and again. At present Tom is neither hero or villain, nor victim. He’s actually a suspect, but we know he had no involvement in the two murders which have already occurred. We also have no strong ties to the victims so there’s a ‘so what’ mentality to the novel thus far.

It sounds like I’m wasting my time reading on doesn’t it? Like I said I’ve been given ample reason to continue. Kernick might not have a strong writing style (in my opinion of course) but he’s got the plot moving at a rapid pace, and only seven chapters deep he’s included quite a few twists already. Some big twists mind you, conceptually he’s original and imaginative. Let’s hope its all going somewhere.

One thing that really annoys me is a twist that amounts to nothing. Simply thrown in for affect and then disregarded when questioned to make way for a more mundane and easy to wrap up storyline. If Kernick cops out I’ll make a mental note not to pick up any of his other novels.

Kernick seems to have also opted for dual lead males. A smart move as it has provided the reader with another side of the story and its answering questions that add to the narrative. I was a bit confused at first, and didn’t like the way this element was implemented, but quickly caught on and rolled with the theme. Tom is still our leading man, but Detective Bolt is nipping away at the lime light chasing strong leads while Tom is still unaware of what’s going on.

The book has a lot of wise cracks and is to be read at a rapid pace. Not as rapid as the movie Crank . . . yet not as slow as The Transporter. The chapters are short bursts of action or information; you won’t find your mind drifting away easily. It’s an easy read . . . not too many head scratching words . . . but no pictures either. I’m sure to finish it.

A to the . . .

Papyrus Crack

I have to keep my buzz going, don’t like coming down from it, it makes me nervous and jittery. I get snappy, easily agitated and become unstable. Pathetic and desperate, those two words best fit. It’s not quite a site to behold, so I purchase three books at a time from Waterstone’s to keep my high. It’s ok though, buy two and get the third one free . . . a financially friendly addiction.

Imagine if they did crazy deals like this for crack rocks or weed bags? Becoming a drug addict would have financial benefits. You could get wasted and save money at the same time. You’d in fact be stupid not to take advantage of it . . . come on, everyone else is doing it. And we all love a good deal right? I just wish I had a good use for books after I finished them . . . it’s the used syringe predicament all over again.

My latest fix is provided by the effort of James Robertson. I’m five chapters into ‘The Testament Of Gideon Mack’ and I’ve started showing addictive symptoms once again.

- Almost missing my stop on the train
- Vigilantly reading a page or two at work
- Isolating my self in my bedroom for long stretches
- Having company in the toilet
- “Just one more chapter”

Finding a good book to read is no easy task, there are several to choose from and you can’t judge them by their cover, neither by their blurb. At least a bad movie only last a few hours if that. Your best bet is to hope for a good recommendation, or like me you can jot down a few titles that look interesting and then check out their reviews when you get home. I don’t want to pick up another ‘We Need To Talk About Kevin’ . . . that was like finding out you’d been sold flour and not cocaine . . . Pillsbury nose.

I really shouldn’t praise or snub books until I’ve actually finished reading them . . . but then it wouldn’t be A Darker Shade Of Black would it? You don’t have to eat the whole burger to know if you like it . . . yeah there could be a fly or a hair hanging out of the other end but we’ll cross that bridge if we get to it . . . or bite around it.

The Testament Of Gideon Mack, this is my kind of book. It’s certainly funny, in a ‘nobody understands me’ kind of way. I like the fact that the main character (Gideon Mack) doesn’t seek approval or comfort for his eccentricities. He just wants his story to be heard, he leaves perception up to you.

By the way, everyone thinks he’s crazy because he claims to have met the Devil . . . and he’s also a minister of God. So you’d probably prepare yourself for a battle between good and evil . . . nope, this book challenges the thin line between sanity and insanity (he says as if he's read the whole thing).

Robertson has an engaging writing style; you feel an urge to flip the page even when he breaks down some of the most mundane topics. I don’t know how he does it, but I’m writing this whilst staring at the book and wanting to pick it up and read more.

I’m yet to reach the depth of the woods; I’m hoping that the novel becomes even more absorbing. Robertson is still setting the scene and familiarising me with this Gideon fellow who doesn’t seem to have any friends, just acquaintances who think he’s insane. Religion holds a lot of weight in this novel; I’m expecting more references, history lessons, theories and possibly some controversial content.

Is Gideon insane? Quite possibly, I’ll have a better idea once I finish the book.

A to the . . .

"Keep The Change Ya Filthy Animal"

“Ever wondered why the gap between the rich and poor nations is so great, or why it’s so difficult to get a foot on the property ladder, or why you can’t buy a decent second-hand car? This book offers the hidden story behind these and other forces that shape our day-to-day lives, often without our knowing it.” – Tim Harford

The latest book I want to bring your attention to is ‘The Undercover Economist’ by Tim Harford.


I was attracted to the book because I read a similar one last year called ‘Freakonomics’ which grabbed my attention with it’s snazzy cover and interesting topics of discussion. I picked up The Undercover Economist hoping for more of the same.

Freakonomics is a hard act to follow; authors Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner dug in deep, their project included chapters such as:

- What Do Schoolteachers and Sumo Wrestlers Have in Common?
- Why Do Drug Dealers Still Live with Their Moms?
- Where Have All The Criminals Gone?

Sounds fun right? It was. Not only did they ‘have a laugh’ with Freakonomics, they also broke down a lot of theory and indirectly showed readers how to apply it.

The Undercover Economist is as interesting, but not as fun. Harford seems a lot more rigid and practical. A lot of his arguments and theories are sensible, logical and pretty much air tight. He covers each subject from a variety of angles and indirectly gives you the tools you need to go out there and start challenging your own world of microeconomics. Great stuff . . . if you can be bothered that is.

You’ll learn some economical jargon along the way and start paying more attention to your pennies. You’ll begin to notice a lot of the options society makes indirectly available, and you’ll know why people complain about things they have power over.

Tim Harford’s effort is original in the sense that it not only explores economical loop holes and faults, but also offers solutions as to how economics can make the world a better place for everyone . . . sounds like something an eight years old girl would waste a wish on if she found a magic lamp. His solutions to everyday problems however are well thought out, realistic, and also feasible. Keep reading his book and you’ll also know why they are not implemented.

Economics is not as simple as ‘supply and demand’. Economics tells us who gets what, and more importantly why they get it.

Want to know why we pay so much for confectionaries when we go to the cinema? Might not seem so important because we can evidently ‘afford’ to be overcharged . . . so why is it that we (London citizens) complain continuously about outlandish public transport prices?

I’d argue that we are all to an extent Undercover Economists because we have reasoning and understanding where our finances are concerned. We can tell you why we chose one product over another, our definitions of a bargain and we know when we are being ripped off.

Tim delves a lot deeper, at times you’ll be pointing the accusing finger at yourself, but be reassured, you’ll get to wave it at others as well.

A to the . . .

"This Love Has Taken It's Toll On Me"

Maroon 5 are due to release their highly anticipated follow up LP on the 21st of May. Their first album, ‘Songs About Jane’ is a personal favourite of mine. I never heard the album until last year, which makes me extremely late because it was released in 2002. Who takes five years to record an album anyway? They do, and it better be good . . . it better be great in fact!

Their second LP is titled ‘It Won’t Be Soon Before Long’. I haven’t heard the album yet . . . BUT I do have it already. The internet is a beautiful place.

I’ve heard the group’s first single of the new album, 'Makes Me Wonder', and like it a lot. It sounds fresh, funky and reminds me of their first album. I don’t like the video though, no idea where they were going with that concept. Pink, purple and strobe lighting? What’s that all about Johnny?

If ‘Songs About Jane’ was so great I wouldn’t be typing this up now, it’s really that simple. Nobody has ever told me that that album is ‘ok’ or ‘alright’ . . . when I mention it to people who have heard it they insist on singing their favourite songs . . . all of them . . . in track order . . . and yes I must join in, it’s a social law.

“This love has taken its toll on me,
She said goodbye, too many times before.
Her heart is breaking in front of me,
I have no choice, ‘cos I won’t say goodbye anymore.” – This Love

It’s serious business people.

Lyrically ‘Songs About Jane’ is watertight. They kept away from the corny themes and cheesy one-liners. What you get on this album is a lot of depth and honesty. It’s not hard enough to be consumed by a male dominated audience, and it’s not soft enough for the ladies to claim it as their own. Unlike most of these R’n’B pansies out there who just write albums to serenade women, Maroon 5’s LP swings heavily in the favour of the gents. It’s still emotional, but not the heartbreak hotel vibe you get from James Morrison’s ‘Undiscovered’ or Damien Rice’s (throw yourself in front of a train because she left you) ‘O’.

‘Songs About Jane’ is like a testimony of the bands failed relationships . . . but it’s like ‘hey we got over it’ and had some good times along the way.

“But I cannot forget
Refuse to regret

So glad I met you and

Take my breath away

Make everyday

Worth all of the pain that I have

Gone through” – The Sun

It’s classed as a rock/pop album, I prefer to qualify it was rock/funk. It’s not your typical ‘loud’ rock-pop album designed to disturb the neighbours and keep your parents out of your bedroom. It’s extremely well composed. You can actually hear the piano, the crisp and controlled hits of the snare drum, hi-hats and bass kicks; you can visualise the symbols as they crash and fade out with each stroke.

The band most certainly does use and abuse the electric guitar but so much melody comes out of it. The opening track ‘Harder To Breathe’ is as reckless as it gets, and that’s mainly on the chorus. The chaos is justified considering the songs content.

“You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here

This double vision I was seeing is finally clear

You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone

Not fit to f**kin' tread the ground that I am walking on” – Harder To Breathe

Not exactly one for the ladies is it? There is no more swearing on the rest of the album, I guess they just needed to get a few things off of their chest. Don’t run ladies, there is some ‘kissing-up’ involved in this LP. It’s not a woman bashing album. The second single ‘She Will Be Loved’ was not an isolated track released to attract a larger female audience. Add to that list ‘Sunday Morning’ (my favourite track along side The Sun), and ‘Sweetest Goodbye’.

If ‘It Won’t Be Soon Before Long’ can match up to the calibre of ‘Songs About Jane’ I’ll have it looping on my iPod. If not then I’ll try to find Damien Rice’s second album called ‘9’. I really shouldn’t listen to his 'cry-baby' anthems but he really knows how to put an emotion into a song . . . its scary stuff.

A to the . . .

That’s Why I Like Reading

I only looked into the second chapter of We Need To Talk About Kevin before I tapped the mat repeatedly . . . enough is enough. I did honestly try to dig into it but I was going nowhere at an alarming pace. It was like forcing yourself to eat; you begin to question if you actually like what you’re ingesting. I offered the book to a friend who has to return her copy to the library, she was far from eager to accept my ‘generous’ offer. She had eaten more of the book than I had and has no real urge to see if it gets better. What a shame, I guess I’ll find some other use for it, summer is almost upon us and bugs must be killed.

I’ve only read the first chapter of the now engaging novel Half Of A Yellow Sun, yet already know that I’ll likely finish the whole book in half the time it took me to read one and a half chapters of We Need To Talk About what’s his name.

The book was written by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a female novelist whose writing style lures me in with great ease. I’m looking forward to the following chapters with expectation.

Adichie is a charming show-off.

In the first chapter she has set up an open story which may lead in several directions, subsequently removing its predictability. The reader has been convincingly sent to the early sixties, enigma floats in the air, and she has introduced a solid writing style, displayed historical, political and social knowledge, and still managed to make me laugh out loud. There was even sex . . . nothing too raunchy, but you get the impression that the book can, I might just go there. Lord knows Ugwu (the young male protagonist) wants it to go there!

I cannot relate to Ugwu’s position, but elements of his character remind me not only of my early teens, but also of my current naivety and disapproval of untimely change.

You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, neither by its first chapter, but I can see myself enjoying this novel and looking for others written by Adichie. She reminds me why I love reading. Losing yourself in a book helps you to forget about the racket going on outside (and also inside) of your head. It’s a form of escapism that allows the mind to adventure and the body to rest. Let’s see where it takes me.

A to the . . .

We Need To Talk About Your Thesaurus

Here are some of the thoughts that cross my mind when I read Lionel Shriver’s fictional novel We Need To Talk About Kevin.

Huh?

What?

What does that word even mean?

This book has had me baffled and I’ve only completed one chapter. I thought the objective of the first chapter was to reel in the reader and leave them with the desire to read on. Shouldn’t each chapter in fact fill you with that compulsion? It however seems that Shriver had a different objective in mind, ‘let me confuse any reader who hasn’t eaten an entire dictionary’.

Her frustratingly complex diction caused me to read the first chapter twice, and I am now uncertain as to whether I even wish to complete the book. Maybe chapter two has much more to offer and will leave feeling like less of a ‘dumb-head’.

Another aspect of this book that irks me is that the chapters are supposedly letters to a man who appears to be her ex-husband. I feel your pain Frankie boy . . .

Dear Franklin,

I feel dreadfully sorry for you and now understand why you left your wife. If the burden of a family trauma wasn’t enough, you also had the unwanted role of listening to a woman who speaks as though she studies the thesaurus in her spare time. Some words were not made for conversations, letters or even an academic thesis. Yet they spew from her mouth like dung from a cow’s backside. Visualise this for a second please.

Franklin, I sincerely apologise for any words I have used which may have caused you to recollect bitter memories of your beloved Eva (not Longoria unfortunately).

Yours empathetically,

Ak-Man

I’ll give Lionel Shriver (isn’t Lionel a boys name?) some credit for at least keeping the element of mystery floating in the air. The unknown parts of this book, its theme and Orange Prize for fiction in 2005 causes me to consider that maybe, just maybe this novel has more to offer than a bunch of obscure words.

Shriver shows off her flair effortlessly on occasions. Her style switches, although sometimes bothersome, can be admired in the first chapter. She flows with poise connecting technically sound paragraphs with colloquially loose phrases reminding the reader that she is not actually a robot programmed to churn out five-hundred page novels.

My plan is to get through the second chapter with the hope of being astoundingly gratified. I hope that one day the completion of this book will benefit my life. Maybe I’ll mention it in a job interview and be instantly hired. Maybe I’ll be on date with a nice lady, let’s say . . . Jessica Alba . . . I’ll mention the book and she’ll respond in a smitten like manner “I want to have your babies”. I could even use my newly acquired knowledge to run for Mayor (of London); my campaign strategy will pretty much orbit around this book. Who wouldn’t vote for me? Come on people, Ken (Livingstone) hasn’t read a damn thing in the last decade apart from Oyster Card pamphlets and Olympic Games proposals.

Only good can come from this.

A to the . . .

Stomp The Yard

Tag line:
He will challenge their traditions.
Their traditions will change his life.

Yes this is the same movie as You Got Served, Bring It On, Drumline and probably even Honey (I haven’t seen Honey . . . yet). Feel free to add similar movies to this list.

So why go and see it?
Well if you like the movies listed above then this film is a must watch for you. It follows the conventional formula to a tee. I personally believe that they intentionally make the acting and storylines dire for this sub-genre. Fighting is replaced with dancing, sex is replaced with dancing and the strongest currency is if course your dance moves. If you can’t ‘bust a move’ you’re nobody, an extra if you’re lucky, a ‘boot licker’ . . . or a hot female (i.e. Megan Goode). “How’s it going Meg?” ;- )

What makes this film different from its predecessors is the dancing style used, it’s known as ‘stepping’ (line dancing meets break dancing). A style used by (black) fraternities to . . . erm . . . well . . . it’s noisy and most of it looks the same. They stomp, clap, shout and take it way too seriously. Are great levels of skill and coordination used? Of course. Is it impressive? Hardly.

Now this movie would be extra boring if it wasn’t for the main star. A streetwise east coaster who is a bad ass b-boy. Can you see where this film is going yet? That’s right, put this all together with two tea spoons of romance, positive moral undertones, and you have the 2007 version of Drumline.

What lets this film down is not the deprived script which we have come to expect, and it’s also not the amusing attempts at acting that we can’t possibly take seriously. Disappointingly, it’s the lack of actual dancing. Too much emphasis is placed on the weak storyline and its humdrum turn of events. I didn't really feel like dancing after I watched this movie . . . what a shame.

Throw in special guest appearances from Neyo (and his meat head), Chris Brown and MTV presenter Sway (who doesn't deserve a hyperlink). There may have been some other big shots in this film that I never recognised.

It’s definitely worth a watch. If you do insist on paying to watch this movie make sure you’re with good company so you can discuss how corny the film is during and after.

Follow this like for a trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvLzhK7Vatw

A to the . . .