Friday, 21 September 2007

Ex


It’s been a not so silent war between us for a while now. I guess everyone knew it was coming to an end. Break-ups are always easier when you see them coming. And if you’re like me then it’s likely that you’ll have something lined up before you split. I made no secret of that, everyone knew I had your replacement lined up, I’d pretty much moved on already . . . I was at least planning to. You can act ignorant if you want, but I wasn’t going to let you treat me like that and keep you around.

What was it in particular? There was so much to it, I hate the fact that I chose this, out of all the options I had, look at what I chose. But you were easy, that swayed my decision. Can’t lie, you looked great at first . . . but beauty is only skin deep . . . what would you know about that though?

You went from easy to difficult, difficult to intolerable. I had invested so much in you, so I felt like I had to keep at it, things might change . . . Who was I kidding?

Damn, you’re unreliable, you do as you please and you’re so damned inconsiderate. I have to do everything myself. I showed so much patience with you, you had to notice that, don’t tell me you didn’t at least notice that. I lost so much of my life just waiting for you . . . why does everything take you so long?

My friends and family laughed at me because of you. I never told you that did I? It’s funny that I tried to spare YOUR feelings LOL . . . as if you have any. You’re a cold piece of work do you know that?

I hope they find you hanging out of a skip somewhere, all smashed up. You know I could make that happen right? Not many people have seen my dark side; you’re one of a few. You must have been quite scared a few time times, when I ruffed you up, smacked you around . . . the screaming, the threats. Couldn’t complain if you wanted to . . . LOL . . . who would you tell? Can’t do anything without me. Are you even aware of how much of a burden you were all these years? Didn’t think so.

A lot of people were surprised when I replaced you . . . you weren’t. Didn’t even react when I unplugged you. Heartless till the end.

I don’t mind you staying in my room for now; you can watch us together from that cold shelf.

You’ve been replaced, farewell you dusty old machine.

You want to know about your replacement? . . . I’ll tell you anyway.

Intel Core 2 Duo Processor
Windows Vista Home Premium
1 GB of RAM
320 GB Hard Disk Drive
15 in 1 Memory Card Reader
19inch Hard Glass Technology; Flat/Widescreen Monitor

Bitch!

A to the . . .

12 comments:

david mcmahon said...

What a great post! Please let me know how the book is going ....

Pope Terry said...

Breaking up is hard... unless of course shes been a bitch to you, freezing up, not doing anything for you, ignoring even the simplest of requests, and then when her dvd drive refuses to open you just have to sit back and ask "what did I ever do to you"...

I hope your new friend works out well for you.

Catmoves said...

Congratulations on your new love.
Hilarious post.

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Oh Ak - I was hanging on to every word - BRILLIANT, my friend, you have that wicked, off-beat humour sicko's like me just love drink up. Keep it coming, we love you!

Ak-Man said...

Computer Love

David - Glad you enjoyed the post. The book is going great . . . heading there slowly but it's going great.

P. Terry - Tell me about it man, this was a rough one. The new ones treating me great so far though . . . but can't get her online yet due to some 'technical difficuties'.

Catmoves - Glad you enjoyed it also . . . which blog on your profile page is your main one?

Shrink - Love you too baby . . . glad you didn't end up locked in a cell or some kind on mental institution. We need wacko's like you in society : p

I'm playing : D

Eugene D. Gibson said...

Good riddance to bad bitches!Lol Brilliant!

Deborah Gamble said...

You really had me going! Like REALLY had me going.

Easybreathingfella said...

Hi there ak-man,

Brilliant piece of work got me guessing right from the start, and I still got it wrong.

Picked up your through David McMahon blog, glad I did though will deffinatly drop in again.

Best regards

Keith.

Dan Mega said...

Nice man.

Hey sometimes when I hit up your blog I get automatically redirected to another site. You trying to pull a fast one?

Ak-Man said...

Mr. Mega - Thanks for the heads up, I got redirected also. Gonna have to see if I can sort this prob out now.

Ak-Man said...

Not sure how, but the problem seems to have fixed itself now.

shareen said...

Thats too funny.. i like!