Saturday, 6 January 2007

“Make Sure You Marry a Nigerian Girl”

This is probably one of my mums’ largest concerns about my life, in fact the ONLY thing she wants more is for me to be a good Christian and an example to others. For those of you who don’t know me well or at all, my mum and dad are both Nigerian…making me…Nigerian!

Now until 2006 I had been ruthlessly dodging Nigerian girls…why? Not too sure really, I didn’t even realise until I was chatting to my friend bout the different races of girls we’d dated and stuff…so I could only think of one girl and she was a chicken head! (No names need be mentioned it was a long time ago). So in ’06 I had the mentality of dating more Nigerian girls, mainly because I was trying to be a bit more focused and cautious about my future. Maybe I went a bit OTT with it, but I realised that I had no excuse for the low number of Nigerian girls in my past. In ’06 I met a lot more and had a few different experiences with them.

What bugs me most about the Nigerian girls I tend to meet is that like me, they we’re all raised, or have spent a majority of their life in the UK…so they are pretty much UK girls (That’s not a terrible thing). Now because I’m pretty much a London boy myself it shouldn’t bother me right? . . . Nah man, its bugs me still, I can see a lot of “Nigerianess” in these girls, I can see how they are still rooted in their culture, but I figure why be so focused towards hooking up with a Nigerian girl when she’s pretty much your average London girl?

One of my friends said he’s going to go to Nigeria to get his wife! I might need a ticket too bro, let me know when your going…we’ll stack up numbers from one of the Redeemed Ministries Holy Ghost Nights! It’ll be like the sequel to “Coming to America”…apart from us not being princess…but we’ll jus lie and say we play football in England…you be Mikel and I’ll be a more handsome version of Kanu!

Now a lot of people that know me are probably thinking “What a hypocrite, you cant even speak your own language, all you know how to do is eat, blah blah blah…”. Relax, it isn’t that serious! Plus Lord willing I’ll shack up with a tasty Nigerian lady, I’m not too interested in looking for anything else…but I’d definitely give a fair hearing to any girls that aren’t Nigerian but are interested… I don’t discriminate, bring me a sexy Eskimo who can make jollof rice and I’ll be like mum, this is my girl and she says she can learn to cook anything your teach her. “It’ll be hard at first darling but my mum will get use to you.”

My Brother Says: I’ve, on many occasions heard my mother (with my sister adlibin “yeah its true”) rambling on to my brother “I’m so looking forward to the day when you bring a nice Nigerian girl to this house. . . I’m a not racist but if your relationship is to work then the people should be of the same culture . . .” if your Nigerian marry a Nigerian to save the hassle that’s what I say (wise words). I know its hard when being a Nigerian raised in the UK to not look at other cultures because some of these white girls are doin’ it (looking nice) but keeping the same culture seems to be the best way. I on the other hand am planning to marry a sweet Bangladesh girl (wink).

Ak-Man: I’m back now (Hoorah)! My bro has the right idea; I know it may seem like I’m taking a few shots at precious Nigerian girls but in reality you’re at the top of my list regardless…not jus because my mum says so, not just because of the food, BUT because it makes so much sense, logically and emotionally! I’ve been enlightened and no longer need the ticket to Nigeria…Nigerian born, UK raised…that’s me, so a girl who has the same background is pretty much what I need right?

My Buddy Tolu Says: As you can see by my name, I am Naija. Infact My Full name is Tolu Popoola; so for all the people that know me, and there are a lot of you, (being a famuous footballer like me) there will be no mistaken it. I keep it real. Anyway I tell you, from east to west, Naija girls are the best. I hope my friend Sasha is not reading this and all the countless Jamo girls I've gone out with.
Having 'bigged my niggarettes up' I have to say, you lot need to change your attitude. Be less materialistic, and give a bus pass nigga a chance, if he's got potential...Trust me, I used to be a buss pass nigga, and now look at me, I'm a bus pass when I come on holiday in England. In the U.S.A, I'm a thriving footballer/businessman/producer. So the moral of the story is feel free to leave ur number with Ak-man, I might just make your day.

There really isn’t any concrete conclusion here; at times life is like rolling dice…if you don’t have a “Get Out Of Jail Free Card” you better shuffle your fists and pray for a double six!

A to the…


Brown said...

Hmmm...interesting food for thought. I must say though the 'get a wife from back home' myth is higly overrated. A good friend of mine is living proof and having had a bad experience came back to me with the comment ''Women are evil. Nigerian girls just know how to hide it better''.

My point is, finding a DECENT woman (or man...even harder finding a man!) is a chore in itself without making it nationality/race/culture specific.

God help us all.

P.S. Tolu can holler at me anytime and show me some skills. Bus pass or not I dont discriminate :o)

Sharlet said...

DEEP.. . uno I'm sittin here mulling over whats been written trying to shake myself into open mindedness - do I agree? do I even understand? part of me gets it (sort of) God made us so we have preferences - what we're attracted to & what we're not.. So yeh if u prefer to settle down with some1 with culture, 1 u value
& some1 u can relate to - all good - but if you blinker yourself I feel thats a bit shallow - check it like this when you pray u might ask 4 specifics n God has a funny way of sending opposites - did u notice He answered your prayer or wasnt it packaged right? you might say its not racist but wen it strays from preference to "keeping a bloodline pure" what wld you say 2 mixrace people? or is only somethin that aplys 2u? yo I dont even know if Ive interpreted the blog right but I hope what I've said makes sense 2ya.
God bless

Ijeoma said...

Being a naija girl myself i found this very intriguing! Ak-Man you may like to take into account ladies such as myself who cant cook okra soup or pound yam in such a way that it's edible, frying plantain and jellof rice is as good as it gets for me...a skill which im sure my white compadres could pick up in a matter of minutes. Being a liberal feminist i pose the question - why cant my LondonNigerian brothers cook soup? (Heck i know my daddy in my opinion it works both ways, male and female british born nigerians face the same watered down when it comes to marriage - one cannot distinguish between race and culture because nowadays it all seems a little diluted.

P.S Remember guys Women will be women whether bangladeshi or naija

Ijeoma x

Anonymous said...

As for culture and tradition that can be created and re-created into a family unit. I know many families from different backgrounds and creed that share the same family values and traditions. People of culture changes with the environment that we live, for example I am a Nigerian that was born in the UK. I lived in London all my life, with a higher education and over standing that has structured me to be my own person. I am of age to make the right traditions for me not mummy or daddy. Anyone one that I marry we be for me and bases that they reflect my understandings of life and also be able to introduce me to theirs.

“This world is to short for blinded eyes_ the heart haws eyes to”


Xymyl said...

Culture has nothing to do with it if a man and a woman think beyond cuture. Sure, you need communication but one of the most important building blocks of any real relationship is to hate all the same things. If you love the same things, cool. If you love something and your wife only likes it a little, no big deal. If she loves something and you could take it or leave it, still no big deal. If she loves, likes or is even borderline on a subject and you hate it, or vice versa, it isn't going to work. If you (or your mother) can find a girl who hates all the same things you hate, well then you're almost married.

True love needs matched hatred.

Perhaps you can find a Nigerian girl who won't marry a man who would listen to his mothers advice and is undecided about her opinions on paradoxes.

Anonymous said...

Well said. I think it's much easier for British born Nigerian males, as opposed to females. I am a 21 year old British born Nigerian and it seems very very hard to find someone of a like-mind who shares the same values and attitudes AND is Nigerian. Where the heck could you meet someone like anyway?

Because it's sooo hard finding a decent guy of the same culture, I'm thinking about totally rebelling against everything I believe in and start dating other cultures, and even races. Having said that a decent guy of ANY race is soooo hard to find...somebody please prove me wrong...

Anonymous said...

It's nice the issue has come into the light.I agree with some of the things that have been said..... I prefer marrying someone I understand rather than just marrying someone from the same culture......because culture itself can be redefined.....I was born in Nigeria(I'm female) and grew up outside Nigeria my whole life.......there are sooo amny things that I am not used to in the culture in Nigeria(not that i'm running it down or saying it is bad,but simply saying that is different and one i am so not used to) the amount I practice of the culture and know about the culture is because my parents taught me-not that i really like it. Some of you may have had the experience of your relatives(especially ones you didn't grow up with and are in Nigeria) like aunts,cousins, etc persuading you to marry only a nigerian......well all i have to and can say, at the back of my head, is that their views are irrational because they seldom see me, don't know much about me-excpet that i was born in Nigeria and look like one- and you think you can advice me on who i must marry........i have also had the experience of my relative amplifying the 'flaws' of 'oyinbo' men(which i thik was irrational because all men and women-all homo sapiens as a matter of fact- have strenghts and weaknesses)..... so marrying from the same culture may not even guarantee fact one mat get along better with someone from the culture abroad...........for it comes down to the point that we are all humans and are the same in so many ways.......