Tuesday, 16 January 2007

Can Boyz And Gurls Be Just Friends? Part 1.5

Ok, ok, ok. . . I know part two should be up next but I received an email which I just had to share with you all. It’s an interesting response from a friend of mine. She outlines several interesting points that didn’t turn up in part one. I of course have read part two and feel that this will not take anything from the second part. I won’t respond to what she writes as I have a few points to save for part two. But I will note this: after reading this response I anchor my own reasoning for not wanting girls as friends. Though like most of you, I do in fact know girls that I am just friends with.

Lobeh writes: Males and Females as friends? ... A very complex issue and I don’t feel it is down to a black and white answer 'yes or no'. What I find personally is that MALES AND FEMALES CAN BE FRIENDS! "HOWEVER" in my opinion it is rare that you find a Male/Female friendship that is genuine.

What is a friend? I define it as someone who is there for you unconditionally. Shows and implements loyalty that you can never have reason to doubt. Loves you and respects you as a person; Respects your life and cares for you on a level that they are LIKE family. Someone of an opposite sex can be all of that; if you formed a friendship with them on the grounds you may have formed it if they were the same sex as you. (You with me so far?). When you form friendships after a kiss or sex the ‘genuiness’ is gone.

Genuine friendship is when both people are on the same level and to an extent you are both aware of each others role. This is the reason why I have never kept an ex as a friend because there is history there. I would always be wondering if I could talk to them freely about anything including current boyfriends and I would always wonder how they might feel about this? And then there is always the thought, are we over each other yet.

Un-genuine friendships are for "Gains". Whether one person is being undercover about what they aim to get in return or both are holding out for future possibilities. If you are friends with someone and at times feel jealous of their girlfriend or boyfriend/ or even of your friends. OR if you go out of your way to make your friend jealous about your new partner: It does not mean you are not a friend it just means you are not truly genuine and you need to ask yourself what you are trying to gain from the friendship, or why you are even a friend.

I feel many male/female friendships are based on emotional ties. examples are...

* An Ex that cant move on

* Someone who is lingering waiting for you to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend/ waiting for their chance

* Someone who has shared such a history with you that they want you to remain in their life. (Louise and best friend aka godfather)

* Mutual attraction where you are both aware of feelings for each other but agree to stay as friends. (Could this be Ramone and his friend?)

With the last point I feel many people are in denial. They want to convince themselves that they are genuinely friends when in actual fact, this is not the case (under-cover jealously may be evident here).

To conclude I just want to add that generally speaking I feel that it is possible for Males and Females to be friends but there are so many people out there that abuse the 'line of friendship’ to affect that we have all been questioning ourselves about this topic for years. It’s not a joking matter because a lot of people find themselves emotionally un-stable trying to be friends with someone to get closer to them; and from Ak-Mans example, it seems as though this "DOES NOT WORK".Though 'lines of friendship' can be abused and we should be aware of 'forged friendships' we must not deny the fact that it is possible that SOME Males/Females are JUST genuinely FRIENDS.

Please note that these views are my own and only reflect on my opinions, influenced purely on my life experiences. I am sorry if I managed to offend people (As I always manage to, LOL!).

Peace, Lo

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

YEH thats BIG I like whats been said makes alota sense!