Saturday, 14 April 2007

Provisional Ranting

Excuse me while I break away from my natural style of blogging, to a more well know approach to being heard. It would seem that most bloggers are in fact professional grumblers. I don’t know who is handing out the certificates, licences or permits so I’ll be careful as to how I protest my issues. I don’t want the officials coming after me . . . “Licence and registration please sir.”

I want to have a little whinge regarding the fluky buggers who passed their driving test first time round.

I don’t know the procedures people go through to acquire their driving licence in other countries, but here in the UK only a few things harder to achieve. On a good day you’re more likely to win the jackpot on Deal Or No Deal than to pass you’re driving test. You see, just like Deal Or No Deal passing your diving test is pretty much based on luck, and not how well you can actually drive. I was driving way before I took my test (for the first time) so what was all the fuss about? “Give me my pink card!”

OK fair enough, my first unsuccessful attempt at the test involved me driving on the wrong side of the road, but no one was harmed so what’s the big deal? . . . Or no deal. The second and third time . . . I don’t even know why I failed on subsequent attempts; they were just making stuff up (real talk). This cost me over well £100 each time, and I aint balling like that.

When I passed on my fourth attempt I was pretty damn relieved. The examiner told me that I was even ‘lucky’ to pass . . . what a jerk. Where was the luck? I drove, you sat there and we both came back alive. Before he told me that I had passed I wasn’t even sure . . . I had pretty much done the same things twice prior and failed. There is just no correlation.

When people tell me that they passed their test on the first attempt I’m like,

“So f**king what?
You think you’re better than me?
You wanna throw down right now?
I’ll kick your ass b*tch!”

And I’ll do it as well, because I’m petty like that. You’re not better than me; you just got lucky on the day . . . and exhale.

A to the . . .


TabulaRasa said...

I think I passed on my fourth attempt too, they're pretty tough in New Jersey about that as well. Then again I was driving a beast of a car, and couldn't pass until I borrowed someone's little Honda.

Don't let those clowns get to you. Keep up the good work...

Xymyl said...

I live in the U.S. where pretty much anybody (or horse, cat, frog, etc...) can get a drivers license. I can’t remember how many times I actually took the test. But I remember trying to get there (the DMV) 8 times. The first time I was actually able to take the test but the guy wanted me to pull out in front of a dump truck. The car I was driving was not very reliable, and I told him it was sure to stall if I pulled out, we got into an argument. The truck passed, I pulled out, the car stalled, he didn’t thank me for saving our lives. He asked me to make a right turn then he yelled at me for not getting into the turn lane, I said that a three foot wide, two foot deep pothole isn’t a turn lane. We got into an argument. He failed me telling me, “you are too cautious”.

All other times parts fell off the car or locked up on the car making it impossible or impractical to move the vehicle until help arrived.

Eventually got a license. That was try #9, but it was probably only test #2.

Ak-Man said...

What kind of 'vehicles' were you guys driving?

And i thought you all drive automatics in the states . . . how do you stall a auto?

But yeah, driving lessons are a thing of the past now. I LOL when i see suckas learning! . . . even though i'm sometimes on the pavement walking. Meh

Doug said...

Hey Ak-man,
Just curious..Here in the states
they make you ride with a state trooper when the driving test is given.
Does a officer of the law do
the same for the driving test
in the UK?

Ak-Man said...

Nah Doug, the cops dont roll with us when we take our tests.

Hmmmmm. . . i dont know if this is a pro or a con.

Lady_T said...

AK YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD! It IS all about luck. How the day goes, whether its raining or not, whether some idiot person decides to run out in front of your car, how the instructor is feeling, how you're feeling etc etc

I know someone who passed on their 13th try, 13! Can you believe? How lucky is that? lol

Profesh drivers now are worse than the beginners anyway.

I went through so much crap and £££'s to get my license and I intend to keep it. Now, I just gotta wait three years to get those damn 3 points off my license...

Rant over.

HB said...

I have this list of people for one day when I go postal. The guy who failed me twice before I got mine, is down on the list twice.

Shrink wrapped scream said...

I've lost count of the cash I had to sink in to the money-pit of FINALLY getting my licence. Started lessons, age 18, acquired eventual licence, age 23. Lost licence for a year, age 23 and a half (plus £200 more, on fine).

I'm now in the unlucky position of witnessing my eldest jump through the hoops (do you know that, on the Isle of Man, kid's get to take their test at 16??). Scarey.

Xymyl said...

Ak-Man asked...
What kind of 'vehicles' were you guys driving?

Well, It wasn't really a car, it was a rake taped to pair of roller skates. We couldn’t afFORD a real car, but it was a car to us. It’s okay to laugh at American ingenuity, and to cry and bleed...

copper stiletto said...

Its sad, but in the city I live in, up until just about a year ago, the test consited of circling the parkin lot and parking the car back in the same place you backed it out of. The whole thing took about 3 minutes to complete. Its not safe to drive here, let me tell ya!