Monday, 26 February 2007

Sasha Presents: Why We'll Never Have A Size Zero Debate

SALAD is an accompaniment, not a meal. While our men don't mind some green on the plate, there had better be some serious meat, fish, rice etc to wash it down with.

We're natural-born bargain hunters:

After years of grooming from parents (every Saturday at Dalston with those red and blue shopping bags) damn right we know about the value of money and how to make it s-t-r-e-t-c-h.

The way that we will TREK when the words 'free' or 'special offer' are involved. It has been known for me to make a serious pilgrimage for Jerk Chicken, Rice & Peas and a drink - £1.99! And everyone knows they MADE a friend when McD's were doing that BOGOF week (or were a hefer and ate both).

The Dining Experience:

BUFFET! A glorious word to a black person. We prepare for the event like an athlete preparing for the Olympics. No snacking, elasticated clothing with no restrictions. Straight in with the hard food, forget the starters. Clear all appointments for the day-this is a three hour affair at least!

None of your family understands the number 'one':

I once tried telling my Nan that I only wanted one spoon of rice. She found the heftiest ladle she could and still built Mount Everest on my plate.

Try and tell a family member you're on Atkins and see what happens to you:

They'll either guilt trip you, cuss you or become your self-appointed nutritionist. None of which are good things (expect the kissing of teeth, for God to be bought into it somehow and for a family meeting to be called in typical parental over-reaction).


We only visit Suya Express (Dalston), Nando's or Aroma (Notice all feature huge portions, meat and pepper in some form...a winning formula). Gordon Ramsey can keep his cordon bleu, bare-space-round-the-plate, £50-a-head fart!

As always, let me know,

Sash x

1 comment:

copper stiletto said...

I sooo agree!!! I did some modeling when I was a teenager, and as soon as I filled out to "become a woman" my contract was not renewed. I am not FAT, but I am not a size 2 either!!