Monday, 26 February 2007

How To Tell If A Girl Is ‘Stringing You Along’

There are three main reasons a girl will string you along.

1. You’re not the only guy she is interested in and she wants to see which of her options the best is.
2. Your game isn’t strong enough so she isn’t too convinced if you are worth her time or not.
3. She is unsure of your intentions and wants to make sure that they match up to hers.

These are all valid reasons, but they will cost you a lot of time and maybe even money. To save you time, money, and of course pride I will point out some of the signs that suggest a girl may be stringing you along.

Point One . . . “She never calls me”

This is probably one of the most obvious ways to tell if you’re being strung along, however it’s so craftily countered that most guys remain oblivious. Any girl that’s interested will find a way to call you if you’ve put in enough effort, this is undisputable. So if she doesn’t call you, or VERY rarely calls you, it’s possible that you’re being strung along.

When you do call her she’ll say something along these lines, “I’m so glad you called, I was thinking about you”. This is a devious little trick indeed as it gives the guy the impression that he is on the girls mind. You’ll notice that a girl who is stringing you along won’t actually tell you why you were on her mind even if you ask; you weren’t on her mind. The two of you will probably engage in a lengthy conversation and she will compliment you, “You make me laugh”. Wise up lads, if you were on her mind you would have got a call, or even a text message.

Point Two . . . “She’s always too busy to meet me”

Oh boy, oh boy!
Sometime last year I was in Burger King with a friend. We were chatting about this topic and I was getting a bit too comfortable in a public place; I was talking rather loud. We were saying how girls are never too busy to meet a guy; they just pretend they are to make themselves appear less available. This in turn makes you want them more. A girl sitting adjacent turns to us in agreement (laughing) and confirms our sporadic outbursts. Ever experienced the following scenario?

Boy: So what have you been up to lately?
Girl: Nothing. . .
Boy: So, erm, what are you getting up to this week?
Girl: Nothing. . .
Boy: Wanna meet up during the week?
Girl: I can’t, I’m busy

The scenario is usually followed by a corny excuse (e.g. “I have to get my hair done”) that you should see through, especially considering that you haven’t yet set a time or a date. Wise up lads, she should at least recommend a day (within the next 7 days) when she will be available if she isn’t stringing you along.

Point Three . . . “She stood me up”

Ouch!
Getting stood up is no joke, a girl well and truly deserves a punch in the nose for pulling a stunt like this. Getting stood up isn’t just a case of waiting outside a cinema, restaurant or train station for an hour. It also includes last minute cancellations. If you jump out of the shower before your expected date, and find a text message which reads something along these lines…

Sorri hun, cant make it 2day sumfin came up. Really sorri xxx

Then you got stood up bro, take it on the chin. What’s worse is that she’ll call you later and say how sorry she is, and tell you that she’ll ‘make it up to you’. But she won’t really explain why she couldn’t make it and she’ll play mind games by saying something like, “I can understand why you’re mad, I’d be mad too”. So it now seems like she’s understanding and on your side. This makes it harder for you to be mad at her and do the right thing, which is to find her and punch her in the nose. Wise up lads, there isn’t much you can do to predict this. Either delete her number like I would, or tell her that she has to pay when you both next go out, and make sure she knows you mean it.

Point Four . . . “She says she isn’t ready for a serious relationship”

LOL! This one cracks me up, it really does.
I discovered this one when I was 18; I was getting strung along by one of my co-workers. She had previously been in a long term relationship, so it made sense to me that she wouldn’t want to rush into anything. Don’t fall for this nonsense guys, it’s a slick line, no doubt, but not something you should take seriously at all. Why? Well unless you actually told the girl you wanted a serious relationship she has no grounds for slowing things down on that premise. As far as you’re concerned, you just want to see ‘how things go’.

After a girl drops this line, don’t engage in conversation that involves her ex. She’ll use this to reinforce reasons why she can’t get too close to you. E.g. “My ex was nice to me at first then he hurt my feelings, I can’t allow that to happen to me again.” or some garbage along those lines. She’s trying to slow down your pace, delay your game, and make you feel justified in not seeing her since you got her number. Wise up lads, asking a girl if she wants to meet up doesn’t mean you’re moving too fast.

If a girl drops three or more of these ‘signs’ on you then it’s quite likely that she isn’t just stringing you along, she is in fact not interested. All of these points have counter attacks which you have to learn for yourself. I would put some up here but girls are reading and I don’t want them to develop their own strategies for dealing with ‘persistent’ guys.

“People used to look out on the playground and say that the boys were playing soccer and the girls were doing nothing. But the girls weren’t doing nothing – they were talking. They were talking about the world to one another. And they became very expert about that in a way the boys did not.” – Carol Gilligan

It’s so true, so shamefully true.

A to the . . .

8 comments:

Lady_T said...

Haha! Once again very funny! The hair one is true though, do you know how long it takes a black girl to get her hair did? This aint no 1 hour affair, it's at least a day thing. You cant wash your hair and then go out in the evening, not possible hon, not possible at all...
It's important you dont get mixed up between a girl stringing you along and one who is shy...

Sebastien said...

Oh, I like this post a lot.

Haha, I really can't put up with games like that, drives me insane.

The quote at the end, it's a great one, too true, I never thought of things like that.

copper stiletto said...

This is on point! I like that it does not go into any 'counters' that men can use, but ya gotta face facts about us females, we got game too!

Ak-Man said...

Props to the ladies, no doubt!

You keep us on out toes, but im on to you. . . all of you [INSERT EVIL LAUGH]

: D

Anonymous said...

I feel I may be in this situation. However, I cant quite pin it on her that she is stringing me along. Real quickly, we have been dating for two months now and i told her that she has all of me and I get confused with her actions and words. I am always the one to initiate a kiss, a hug, a "can I sit next to you?" I really hurts deep in my heart cause I really fell for this girl. but is seems like i am not important. there were only three things that she HAS EVER initiated, holding my hand once, one hug in her living room and one quick kiss. She has never initiated sex, I always have to be the one to initiate it or PLAN it...WTF am I doing. This may sound gay but i cant help to not ignore my heart as there is a heavy pain in it and I need it to go away. any thoughts???

Ak-Man said...

Anonymous:

I think people handle affection in different ways. And some folks are just shy about this process. I wouldn't suggest that a girl is stringing you along because of this. Maybe you just need to work on making her feel more comfortable with you . . . maybe?

Not everything girl is into the whole holding hands and touchy feely stuff either. So if you want that from her you may have to initiate more . . . kinda make turn it into a habit so she knows what to expect from you.

Two months isn't that long though. But it depends on how much time you spend with each other. Sounds like you really like her though, so step up your game. Maybe some smooth lines or romantic gestures will get her where you want. Or maybe if you get a bit spontaneous and throw her some curve balls she'll perk up.

That's just my point of view though, don't take me too seriously. Cos I'm not really an affectionate person myself.

A to the . . .

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the thoughts A to the... but I have stepped up from day one, i have thought of all these really good spontaneous things that made her smile, I have thrown all sorts of curves and nothing. nothing.....all my friends who know me best are telling me that i am to just leave but I cant help but try to fight more for her to get her to see. Oh well, I just may have to move on. her loss not mine. I am the good guy in this for trying so hard and being patient enough

Anonymous said...

Hi i met this girl on holiday who was working with my sister over there she had a boyfriend over there although she told him at the start that they wasnt going to be in a relationship together at the end of the season. When i first came i noticed she would always be talking to me and hanging around me i didnt show her any sign of attraction in the beginning until one night she was in my apartment and we was telling eahcother what we like about eahcother she said she liked my eyes i liked her smile bla bla you get the idea. So i text her the day after and told her how i felt that i liked her etc after that we spent abit of time together she always told her "boyfriend" we was going out and when i used to ask for a kiss she would always say il kiss you on the cheek and i cant cheat on my boyfriend how would you like it if i did it to you? Anyway i found out from my sister who she was mates with that she liked me it was just her boyfriend in the way i ended up getting a kiss off her the day i was leaving only a small kiss nothing major and i told her that i would come back for her because i had to go back to university while she worked over there turns out in the end she had to come home as i was going back so i never got to see her and we live about 3 hours away from eachother back in our hometowns :( anyway when i go back over there i text her and ask "are you going to let me come and see you sometime" her reponse was maybe so it ext her saying why maybe? and she put "well im not really looking for a relationship at the moment and it wouldnt work we live to far away ive done it in the past and it just doesnt work" this really upset me because i do really like her but im not sure if i have been played here or what?