Ak-Man’s Guide To Blind Dating . . . Part One

Through some of my rants and bickers you may have got the impression that I am a grumpy old man; this is not the case. I’m a strapping young lad . . . quite the pessimist no doubt, but still young and vibrant. I don’t spend all of my time looking through cynical turd coloured shades, if that was the case I wouldn’t constantly have people trying to hook me up with their associates.

I’ve decided to write up a little guide to blind dating . . . you ask why? Well because it’s highly probable that I’ve been on more blind dates than anyone I know. Everyone and their mother have tried to set me up . . . as if I can’t set myself up.

My track record for blind dates is quite abysmal, but this says more about the people who tried to set me up. They clearly don’t know me at all. For all those interested my ideal woman is Kelly Rowland (Marry Me) . . . yes I have raised my bar that high.

I’ll be breaking it down into two parts:

- Before the date
- During the date

After the date you’ll likely go home with no urge to ever see the person again so I don’t need to write a post about the aftermath do I? Of course there is a chance that you might actually get along and be attracted to each other, but it’s a slim one if that. So the first rule of blind dating is . . .

Don’t get your hopes up . . .
When someone tells you that they want to set you up, don’t get excited. Chill out for a second yeah? Hear them out, nod and agree so you can see what’s up. Let them throw you their best pitch with icing and a cherry on top . . . flogging a friend is like selling a used car. They’ll highlight the good points and act as if there are no bad ones; this is to be expected.

Don’t ask about appearances . . .
You’ll be curious and that’s normal. But if they don’t have a picture to show you then don’t even bother asking. If the blind date has it going on in the looks department your so called friend will bring this up before you even think to enquire. It’ll be like a USP (Unique Selling Point) but keep in mind that attraction isn’t universal so you really do have to meet them if you want to know what’s up.

Try and avoid calling your date before the date . . .
Yes, that includes the most confident and charismatic of us. Remember I’m experienced in this department. Your pal might suggest that the two of you switch numbers before the ‘big day’. Reject the offer and sternly tell them not to give your number to the other party.

If like myself you have an ambiguous personality this move is a RED ALERT. You’ll either generate an adhesive bond or free up space in your calendar. It doesn’t seem like a dumb move at all . . . not until the date is over and you regret using all of your free air time on her . . . Ak-Man knows best.

The right questions to ask . . .
You’re going to want to know if the blind date meets up to your requirements . . . unless you don’t get out much and are desperate. I’m assuming it’s neither so here are some questions that are smarter to ask than ‘What does she look like?’

How do you know him/her?
Please don’t put it past your friends to try and set you up with someone they’ve only known for a New York minute. They might even be trying to set you up with a friend of a friend . . . not a good move if you ask me. In a world full of weirdoes you really have to be extra cautious about how you spend your evenings.

What do they do?
Are they mentally stable enough to hold a good job or acquire some educational certificates? Don’t inquire too much into the individual, you'll want to leave some mystery for the date . . . or have a few questions at the ready for those awkward silences. But once again, if you aren’t desperate try not to end up on a date with Eddie before he Traded Places or America’s Next Top Gold Digger.

Why don’t you go out with them?
If your friend is single and of the same gender as you . . . then . . . well it makes sense to question why they would want to send you on a date with ‘such a nice person’ while they sit at home watching back-to-back episodes of South Park.

Do your stretches and cardiovascular workouts, push for a double date then you’re good to go. You’ve played it hard but fair so far, well done, that was the easy part. . . . Part Two is up next. What to do on the date.

A to the . . .

Shareen Presents: Have We Got It All Wrong?

Following the vast number of deaths appearing in the news of the young boys being killed, it has sparked a theory in my mind that ‘we’ as a consensus have got it wrong with whom we perceive to be the most vulnerable sex. The term vulnerable is defined as being, ‘capable of being physically or emotionally wounded; open to successful attack.’ Chambers (1991), ‘Concise Dictionary’ p1204. The word itself is compared to being ‘susceptible’, ‘weak’, ‘defenceless’, and ‘helpless’. I don’t want to put words in people’s mouths, but I will go on to assume that when relating these words to a particular sex, we would associate the female sex with the terminology.

I believe as a female, going for an evening out, there are so many factors I should be expected to consider. Forget the, ‘what am I going to wear?’ and ‘does my hair look nice?’ I have to think about whom I am meeting up with, where I am meeting them, is it a safe location? Am I going to be isolated? How am I getting home? Am I going to be on my own? Have I got extra money for a cab? I could go on . . . Hope you get the general drift.

Our friends, family, the media and the government have always had an instinctive concern for women’s safety. You have family (in my case my parents) ensuring I let them no of my whereabouts. When I go out for an evening they tend to want an idea whom I’m going out with and also for me to give and approx time that I will be rolling through the door.

The focus is largely on ensuring the safety of females, making sure they are careful of accepting drinks from strangers as they may contain a date rape drug. We should walk around clubs with fingers or palms covering the top of the drink, we are told not to get too drunk so we can get home safely, we are told to get into registered cabs to insure our safety and to travel in numbers even if it means crashing at a friend’s yard for the night. We are told to watch our back when walking on a street, and to stay visible to others etc.

Other terms for vulnerable are, ‘in danger’, and ‘at risk’!

Should men be considered to be at risk more so than females? My conclusion is YES. There are no statistics or evidence, and I have not begun to look for a study on the matter, so if you don’t agree calm down its my own theory. I have various reasons which have lead to this conclusion but I will only name a few… its 00.24am … I do want some sleep you no!

From my point of view, men are more likely to be:

1. Beaten up
2. Robbed
3. Stabbed
4. Murdered
5. Threatened
6. Involve in fights/gangs

I am not excluding females being subject to the same abuse, but males are more vulnerable to these kinds of situations. And because we associate man’liness as being ‘strong, brave; dignified; noble.’ Chambers(1991), ‘Concise Dictionary’ p 630, we may not worry about a males safety as much as we really should. The world is not the same place.

I am not saying that mums and dads do not stay up waiting for their sons to come home safely, but I am sure guys do not give as much details to parents of their whereabouts. Not as much as their female counterparts. Whilst females may say, ‘I’m going to the cinema’, males may just say ‘I’m going out.’

This is a contested issue and so much more could be said, but my point is that males need to be protected as much as females, it doesn’t take away ones macho’ness. We just need to stop taking for granted that men should be able to stand up for themselves and be safe out there, anything can happen to anyone at any time as made evident on the news lately.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

Shareen