One For £5 or Three For £10

Apparently watching pirate DVDs is the equivalent of breaking into someone’s home and stealing their television . . . or strolling into a DVD store and helping yourself to a five finger discount . . . worse still, the anti-pirate DVD campaigns imply that if you watch pirate DVDs you might as well be snatching handbags from old ladies. And if that wasn’t enough we’re even faced with an FBI warning informing us that watching, buying or selling pirate DVDs is a ‘serious’ crime and we could face a fine or imprisonment if caught…

…yet oddly enough no one is shaking in their slippers.

Surely it’s counter productive that the anti-pirate message is delivered across licensed DVDs, presumably to an audience that are in all probability too scared to purchase a pirate DVD from their ‘local dealer’. I’m also guessing these ads are only affective in the sense that they may keep contributing members of the entertainment industry on the straight and narrow.

I do not wish to sway decisions and drag people down with me, but there are several reasons to purchase a pirate DVD, and even more reasons to download them yourself.

Trading Places
Pirated DVD’s are of course cheaper than store purchases, and in most instances a pirate DVD is cheaper than a cinema ticket. If you pay less than £5 to watch a movie in London don’t expect much at all, in fact, don’t even expect to see the movie you paid for.

This price war has forced entertainment stores to drastically cut the prices of both new and old DVDs. You can actually purchase licensed DVD’s for less that £5 in most of the large stores and online… but these are usually old films that went straight to DVD . . . and then straight to the stockroom. That ‘Classic’ sticker isn’t fooling anyone.

Be Kind Rewind
Take your pick; the bootleggers are just as technically savvy as the production and distribution industries. Movie piracy is no longer a case of ‘I’ll take whatever I can get.’ now it’s more a case of ‘What do you want?’ Back when VHS was the hottest dung on the field you could never expect too much from your purchase. The screen was always too dark, the sound was always doubtful, and you had to endure an audience who couldn’t sit still or be quiet . . . and why was the camera always at an off angle?

Nowadays if you purchase a pirate DVD and it’s not DVD quality you find that son of a bitch and either get your money back or whoop his ass! Whatever happened to customer satisfaction?

Back To The Future
Yes we are, and usually a couple of weeks before the movie has even premiered. I love it when people ask me if I’m going to watch the next hot flick and I reply ‘Seen it already’. It’s a testament to the determination, dedication and discipline of the bootlegging industry. Eventually bootleggers will start making the blockbusters before the production companies . . . keep an eye on your scripts!

Misery
Many of the irritations that come with the cinematic experience can easily be avoided in the comfort of your own home . . . or better still, in the comfort of your own bed.

Another selling point of piracy is that it brings the action to your door. You don’t have to endure two hours of loud chewing, phone ringing, popcorn tossing, and chair kicking miscreants! And that’s usually after waiting in line for twenty minutes.



Die Hard
In a feeble attempt at somewhat balancing the piracy debate, there is a serious downside to pirate movies that we shouldn’t overlook. Is it not after all a common fact that piracy funds terrorism? If this is startling news to you please research all the facts behind this anti-piracy statement . . . and then tell me what you find. I’ve seen enough of Bin Laden’s videos to know he’s not making a profit from knock-off DVDs.

No Country For Old Men
A variety of measures could be taken in an attempt at reducing piracy’s affect on the entertainment industry. Let’s not forget that this debate doesn’t only include movies, other mediums are also looking for a means of cutting down piracy and increasing legitimate sales. The music and gaming industries have both taken a hit, and while music technology has in fact made it a lot easier to steal albums, gaming has made it a riskier ploy by ‘rigging’ consoles disabling them from playing pirate copies.

I would spend more of my hard earned cash on cinema tickets and DVDs if better quality movies were produced. I’ve been hoodwinked, cajoled, bamboozled and had the wool pulled over my eyes way to many times to rely on the next big flick being the next big flick. If the big shots want more bums in seats we should get a lot more Juno, No Country For Old Men, Snakes On A Plane (Yes, Snakes On A Plane) and Death Proof for our money. And with that said…

A to the . . .