Good Morning Glory . . . FIGHT!

Morning, the unpleasant time of the day that involves waking up isn’t always so unpleasant. Some mornings you wake up and feel on top, you feel good, alive and ready for combat.

I don’t think my Pops saw it coming this morning, but before he left for work I managed to ‘son’ him twice. I don’t think he was looking for beef, but that’s usually the case when you find it.

Round 1 . . . ‘ding ding’
My parents’ room has a built in toilet and shower (en suite), my Pops has appointed himself gatekeeper. I ignored the gatekeeper this morning and strolled into his room to get some bog roll. There wasn’t any left around the house so my parents’ room was the last resort. Surely enough there was one chunky roll of toilet paper on the holder. I took it off and was heading out of the room.

“Where are you going with that?” he snapped.

He was ready to go into a rant when I told him that I bought it (which i did) and there is none left in the house. His brain started thinking of a counter attack as my mum watched to see who was going to come out tops in the stand off.

He couldn’t say a thing.

I wouldn’t usually class this as 1-0 but I was in a good mood this morning and started dancing in his face with the toilet roll in my hand. My mum was laughing hysterically and he couldn’t say a word. Just as he was about to say something I turned around and walked out of the room . . . toilet roll in hand. 1-0 to Ak-Man.

Round 2 . . . ‘ding ding’
My Pops must have been looking for the equaliser; we had another showdown about 15mins later. Not enough resting time if you ask me.
As I finish brushing my teeth I was ready to get a shower. I left the bathroom my pops bursts out of his bedroom holding a blue shirt.

“Iron this” he commands gleefully.

I started whining like a twelve year old and to make matter worse my younger bro is watching . . . not gangsta! I’m trying to explain to him that I have to get ready for work; he just tells me that I have to do it. Ugh, he’s making me feel like a house servant! This isn’t cool at all. Then to seal his equaliser he imitates the dance I did in his room and my bro starts laughing at me. It’s levelled up at one a piece now, but it cant end like this.

Round 3 . . . ‘ding ding’
His shirt is ironed but he has another problem.
As it turns out, I was the only person in the house who had any shower gel this morning. I waited patiently for a few minutes . . . he then came out of his room and nonchalantly strolled across into the main bathroom. I knew what he was looking for and I let him take it . . . just so I can take it back.

“I’ll be having that” I told him.

He looked at the shower gel and then at me. I had a grin on my face and was ready to take him out of the game.

“I know you’ve got more” was this his attempt and salvaging his pride?

I took the shower gel out of his hand and told him that it was my last one (which it was) and I was ready to jump in the shower. Fortunately my brother was watching the duel, and nothing makes you rub it in harder than having an audience present. I waited for myself and my Pops to be in good view of my brother and then did a little jig which cracked up my brother and we both laughed at my Pops. Not too hard though, never too old for an ass whooping. 2-1 to Ak-Man!

A to the . . .

Good Morning Glory

I’ve got money to make, so I have to get from my bed to my desk before 11am. Yeah I know, I’m lucky too start at 11am but I still find time to sleep whilst at work. Here is how it goes down.

07:30

My alarm goes off (or does it go on?) . . . Anyway, it’s just a teaser to help me slowly wake up. I lean over to my desk and reset my alarm for 08:00 and go back to sleep.

08:00

Half an hour flew by and my alarm is making noise again, I lean over and press snooze . . . back to sleep again.

08:10

. . . Snooze

08:20

OK, I really have to get up now; I’m 20 minutes behind

schedule. I drift off into a tiny snooze, shake it off and roll out of bed. I get off the floor and put on my ‘house clothes’ (AKA old clothes), switch on the hot water and go to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

Brushing my teeth takes between 10 and 20 minutes (seriously). This is for two reasons: 1) I do everything extremely slowly in the morning until I get out of the shower and 2) I think I have a psychological problem . . . it’s like my teeth are never clean enough (obsessive compulsive?)

08:40

While I wait for the water to heat up a little bit more I do 120 press-ups. These are done in reps, four sets of 30. They also help me to wake up and keep me busy if the bathroom is occupied. After each set of 30 press-ups I pose in my mirror ‘looking good’. I used to do 8 minute abs in the morning but I put it on hold to tone up my upper body (arms and chest).

08:55

Shower time! I get clean . . . what more can I say? I don’t sing and I don’t play with a rubber duck.

09:25

I get out of the bath and attach my iPod to my speaker system. I choose some music that matches my mood and get dressed while rapping or singing along. This process involves more mirror posing, but I’m awake now so it’s serious posing, get ready for another day posing, ‘you’re the man’ posing, ya dig?

09:50

I should be leaving the house now but I must grab a few things before I go. I fill up two bottles with tap water and make two slices of toast. I’m good to go.

09:55

Bopping to the train station listening to music . . . good times.

10:10

I get to the station and see a big queue of people waiting to get their travel tickets or top up their Oyster Cards. I laugh to myself ‘Ha ha ha, imprudent fools’. I walk past them extra happy and ‘tap in’.

There are a few things I REALLY hate about Dagenham East train station. Firstly, no one ‘works’ there so everyone has to wait to use the only ticket machine there, or just walk through the gates and pay (at least £4) at their destination. Secondly, it’s on the District Line. The only lines I know that run less frequently are the East London Line (which should be called the South London line) and the Silver Link line. This means that getting to the station early doesn’t mean you will get to work early . . . or even on time for that matter! Apologising to your boss is not gangsta.

10:15

I’m (hopefully) on the train now and heading towards Barkin station where I will catch the 10:28 C2C train to Fenchurch St. I’m usually reading a book, listening to music or reading The Metro (my favourite newspaper) if I’m lucky enough to get a copy.

10:45

I get of at Fenchurch St. and head over to Pret to get some grub for my shift. Two slices of toast is just not enough for a growing lad so I buy over priced food to satisfy my gut.

Even when I’m late I stop to buy food, I rarely leave the building at work so it’s now or never! I used to splurge at Benjy’s but it seems they have closed down. This troubles my soul; Benjy’s was the house of bargains! I used to get ham and tomato rolls for 25p each! I shed a tear in loving memory; plus the girls that worked there we’re better looking than the Pret girls who all look they used to work on a farm.

10:55

I’m in on time, look around to see what’s been left for me (paper work), and sign on to MSN Messenger . . . ‘Morning Rainbow Drop’ . . . ‘What’s up Razor’ . . . ‘What’s Poppin Boiji?’ . . . ‘Aye Aye Nigga’.

This is my typical weekday morning.

A to the . . .

Abandoned Nation

Some of you may remember the article I writ in January titled “Well, At Least We’re Staying Out Of The Papers” Well you can call this a follow up. Seeing that I am a young black man who lives in London, I feel that my opinion coupled with experiences certainly matters.

It’s highly unlikely that no one was a victim of these ‘lost youths’ in January, I still believe that the media simply overlooked prospective stories at the time. Why they did this I’m not perfectly sure, but it’s clearly evident that they are now trying to send out a clear message. This message seems to be that if you are a black male, and between the ages of 15-24 your chances of ending up on the front page are greatly increased. This is regarding both sides of the trigger.

We have (since February) seen an escalation in the reporting of youth murders in the news. A particular focus has been placed on murders involving young members of black communities in London. There are areas of London which are infamous for gangs and gun/knife culture. I used to live in one of these areas; I witnessed and experienced first hand the reality of senseless violence. When street life is hyped up, fabricated or subject to manipulation I find it easier to filter out the non-fictions and exaggerations.

Kodjo had recently spoken about knife crime when interviewed by the music
channel MTV. He said: "I think stabbing has got worse but the media also make it
bigger than what it is."

He is the latest teenager to die in a
series of attacks in the capital in recent weeks. Last month, three teenagers
alone were shot dead in separate incidents in south London.

Billy
Cox, 15, was shot dead at his home in Clapham while schoolboy Michael Dosunmu,
15, was shot in his bedroom in nearby Peckham days after James Smartt-Ford, 16,
was gunned down at Streatham ice rink.

Source:
http://www.itv.com/news/faad9d69600da8ba1fc8d634628be87c.html

Kodjo Yenga’s unfortunate story has a dark ironic undertone. In the face of this I still agree with his statement. Youths have been killing each other for as long as I can remember, and no one has been able to develop a solid theory or solution regarding this for just as long. When you ask someone who lives in the ‘streets’ about street life and they tell you that the turmoil is being overestimated, you can perceive that source to be quite reliable. Also take into consideration that everyone outside of the ‘streets’ is pretty clueless as to what is actually going on in them.

The Home Secretary admitted yesterday that the Government does not know enough
about the scale of knife violence and ordered police forces to start collecting
statistics on the use of knives in crime.

John Reid made the
announcement after the death at the weekend of 15-year-old schoolboy Adam
Regis.

Source:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;jsessionid=PT2YCRSKQ3W0DQFIQMGCFF4AVCBQUIV0?xml=/news/2007/03/20/nknife20.xml

One major problem is the power of a negative minority; unfortunately the actions of a few can affect the lives of many more, rarely is this seen as significantly as when something bleak occurs. All of a sudden every young black male has a knife, every Muslim is a suicide bomber and all white females are binge drinkers. In reality there are not as many young, black, heartless killers as we are led to believe, nonetheless there are definitely too many. And of course they are not all young and black, but this will be our little secret.

How do you reason with the unreasonable?
Killing people is wrong, is this not common knowledge? Of course it is, but some people just don’t give a f*ck. Let’s not beat around the bush regarding this, it really is that simple. What’s frustrating is that no provocation is required when it comes to getting a knife in the chest, or a bullet in the head. Young tyrants are murdered on the same streets as ‘model students’.

I refuse to buy into ‘social theories’ which suggests that street crime in the UK is an imitation of that in the States. Murder and popular culture are two entirely different affairs. This isn’t a matter of Gangster Rap, baggy clothes and New Era caps. It is rather a dilemma that involves the heart of man, which in turn transcends deeper than race. And living in a society embedded in the developed world I believe that it also transcends deeper than culture. Without being too circumstantial, murder isn’t a culture, it’s a mind state.

The murder rate can be reduced significantly with a little bit of thought and a lot of effort, but who is ready to put the effort in? We are all consumed with our own problems until the reality of an abandoned nation becomes one of them.

A to the . . .

Shareen Presents: Have We Got It All Wrong?

Following the vast number of deaths appearing in the news of the young boys being killed, it has sparked a theory in my mind that ‘we’ as a consensus have got it wrong with whom we perceive to be the most vulnerable sex. The term vulnerable is defined as being, ‘capable of being physically or emotionally wounded; open to successful attack.’ Chambers (1991), ‘Concise Dictionary’ p1204. The word itself is compared to being ‘susceptible’, ‘weak’, ‘defenceless’, and ‘helpless’. I don’t want to put words in people’s mouths, but I will go on to assume that when relating these words to a particular sex, we would associate the female sex with the terminology.

I believe as a female, going for an evening out, there are so many factors I should be expected to consider. Forget the, ‘what am I going to wear?’ and ‘does my hair look nice?’ I have to think about whom I am meeting up with, where I am meeting them, is it a safe location? Am I going to be isolated? How am I getting home? Am I going to be on my own? Have I got extra money for a cab? I could go on . . . Hope you get the general drift.

Our friends, family, the media and the government have always had an instinctive concern for women’s safety. You have family (in my case my parents) ensuring I let them no of my whereabouts. When I go out for an evening they tend to want an idea whom I’m going out with and also for me to give and approx time that I will be rolling through the door.

The focus is largely on ensuring the safety of females, making sure they are careful of accepting drinks from strangers as they may contain a date rape drug. We should walk around clubs with fingers or palms covering the top of the drink, we are told not to get too drunk so we can get home safely, we are told to get into registered cabs to insure our safety and to travel in numbers even if it means crashing at a friend’s yard for the night. We are told to watch our back when walking on a street, and to stay visible to others etc.

Other terms for vulnerable are, ‘in danger’, and ‘at risk’!

Should men be considered to be at risk more so than females? My conclusion is YES. There are no statistics or evidence, and I have not begun to look for a study on the matter, so if you don’t agree calm down its my own theory. I have various reasons which have lead to this conclusion but I will only name a few… its 00.24am … I do want some sleep you no!

From my point of view, men are more likely to be:

1. Beaten up
2. Robbed
3. Stabbed
4. Murdered
5. Threatened
6. Involve in fights/gangs

I am not excluding females being subject to the same abuse, but males are more vulnerable to these kinds of situations. And because we associate man’liness as being ‘strong, brave; dignified; noble.’ Chambers(1991), ‘Concise Dictionary’ p 630, we may not worry about a males safety as much as we really should. The world is not the same place.

I am not saying that mums and dads do not stay up waiting for their sons to come home safely, but I am sure guys do not give as much details to parents of their whereabouts. Not as much as their female counterparts. Whilst females may say, ‘I’m going to the cinema’, males may just say ‘I’m going out.’

This is a contested issue and so much more could be said, but my point is that males need to be protected as much as females, it doesn’t take away ones macho’ness. We just need to stop taking for granted that men should be able to stand up for themselves and be safe out there, anything can happen to anyone at any time as made evident on the news lately.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

Shareen

Stomp The Yard

Tag line:
He will challenge their traditions.
Their traditions will change his life.

Yes this is the same movie as You Got Served, Bring It On, Drumline and probably even Honey (I haven’t seen Honey . . . yet). Feel free to add similar movies to this list.

So why go and see it?
Well if you like the movies listed above then this film is a must watch for you. It follows the conventional formula to a tee. I personally believe that they intentionally make the acting and storylines dire for this sub-genre. Fighting is replaced with dancing, sex is replaced with dancing and the strongest currency is if course your dance moves. If you can’t ‘bust a move’ you’re nobody, an extra if you’re lucky, a ‘boot licker’ . . . or a hot female (i.e. Megan Goode). “How’s it going Meg?” ;- )

What makes this film different from its predecessors is the dancing style used, it’s known as ‘stepping’ (line dancing meets break dancing). A style used by (black) fraternities to . . . erm . . . well . . . it’s noisy and most of it looks the same. They stomp, clap, shout and take it way too seriously. Are great levels of skill and coordination used? Of course. Is it impressive? Hardly.

Now this movie would be extra boring if it wasn’t for the main star. A streetwise east coaster who is a bad ass b-boy. Can you see where this film is going yet? That’s right, put this all together with two tea spoons of romance, positive moral undertones, and you have the 2007 version of Drumline.

What lets this film down is not the deprived script which we have come to expect, and it’s also not the amusing attempts at acting that we can’t possibly take seriously. Disappointingly, it’s the lack of actual dancing. Too much emphasis is placed on the weak storyline and its humdrum turn of events. I didn't really feel like dancing after I watched this movie . . . what a shame.

Throw in special guest appearances from Neyo (and his meat head), Chris Brown and MTV presenter Sway (who doesn't deserve a hyperlink). There may have been some other big shots in this film that I never recognised.

It’s definitely worth a watch. If you do insist on paying to watch this movie make sure you’re with good company so you can discuss how corny the film is during and after.

Follow this like for a trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvLzhK7Vatw

A to the . . .

Ak-Man And Microsoft Paint Presents: ‘A Few Of My Favourite Things’

I can’t think of a practical use for Microsoft Paint. It’s pretty lame unless you have the imagination of an eight year old, or a ridiculous amount of spare time on your hands.

…So I decided to use it to illustrate ‘A Few Of My Favourite Things’. These pictures took longer to do than you might think (not really) and I put a lot of thought into it.

So yeah, anyway . . . I’ll let the pictures do the talking.

So many colours from a biro,
I’m trying to put my mind on a page.
All that gushes out is colours,
Uncontrollably, it needs to be arranged.

I was handed a paintbrush.
No one ever taught me how to paint.
I just run wild on the canvas,
It’s easy when you don’t know what to say.

By Ak-Man

A to the . . .

Four Is My Favourite Number Anyway . . .

Before I get started I’ll like to thank Copper Stiletto for nominating my blog site for David McMahon's weekly blog awards (The Aussies). I read her blog very often, in fact its one of my favourites (not just saying that). She came second on the list this week, which should tell you something.

The list was put up on Saturday, I almost forgot to check it out because I don’t really chill online on weekends. When you spend so much time on the net at work you kind of run out of things to do online when you get home.

-Oh, that’s it! Downloading, that’s what I mainly use the net for at home-

Naively I checked out the list and started from the top. This set me up for disappointment; well that was my first reaction. I can’t lie in the name of humility. I scrolled down checking if my blog had made the list at all, and got about halfway before I scrolled up again looking for my URL (maybe I missed it?) . . . I scrolled down further, and further . . . and then a bit more. Then I got to the bottom.

I started going through the motions.

There was anger . . . “What? How is this possible? I’m the best damn it! How dare you offend me like this I shall have my revenge on you!”

Then there was denial . . . “Maybe there was a formatting error and the list was writ in reverse. I should email him and double check, just in case.”

There was more denial . . . “I don’t care, it’s just a stupid list anyway”

A little bit of self resentment . . . “Maybe my blog just isn’t that great”

Finally appreciation . . . “Four is my favourite number anyway”

Ok, so there is a huge difference between four and forty (thirty-six) but I looked at the list and thought to myself “there I am”. There are LOADS of active blog sites out there, and I know this for a fact because I spend a lot of time at work looking for good ones to read (they are hard to find). So for Mr. McMahon (a pro writer) to see my blog as attention worthy . . . well, that’s a great credit indeed.

I’m not accepting defeat by the way, I’ll be number one on that list in due time. The spirit of competition is flowing through my bones now. So if you find yourself laughing uncontrollably in your chair, crying self reflectively or even thinking introspectively, thank Copper Stiletto and Mr. McMahon for pushing a modest writer over the edge.



The villagers should have gone after Frankenstein . . . not his monster.

A to the . . .